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Anonymous Member · 02-12-2010, 05:20 PM

Wow, you guys are all still around.
It's been years since I've been here. Good to know TFP is still alive and kicking.

Anyway, I have a life issue, something I can't really share with anyone but total strangers, because others are simply too close.
So why not go to TFP for advice

.

So here is the story (scroll to the bottom for the summary if you're in a hurry, but know you're missing out!):

Back story: Relationships have always sucked for me.

I'm a 25 year old software engineer that isn't particularly handsome, but is 'passable' (blonde, tall, crooked nose, fit-ish, normally a 5.5 on a scale of 1 to 10, but can dress up to be a 7).
These last 2 years I've had a relationship with a girl that isn't particularly gorgeous, but she is pretty (brunette, small, slim, a 6.5).

I'm a pretty introvert guy, but I can have my moments, she's a pretty extrovert girl, but she can have her moments. We're both pretty 'autistic' (rules, schedules, etc...), me more than her.

We met through a social network... well, she dumped a co-worker who ran off with one of my ex-girlfriends who was abusing me to get to him, but that is some different drama that has nothing to do with this story

.

We started messaging over this social network and I was about to go backpacking for a couple of weeks, she was going to take a trip to Egypt that she's always wanted so we clicked there. She was coming on strong I mean, she was talking about going with me in my suitcase and sleeping next to me... Even a software engineer could pick up THOSE signals.

So when I got back from backpacking, 2 days later, I picked her up and we went to my place, well... we talked a bit about our trips, but let's just say we didn't dwell on the past

. That was two years ago, this year we moved together (I lived alone, she lived with her mom) to a small house.

Before her, I lived alone for a couple of years, I had a few 'girlfriends', nothing that lasted more than a month really...

Before that I had my first real relationship, at 18, a long term long distance relationship for 3 years with a girl hundreds of miles away that I saw 3 times. We met as friends through some early online chat program and 2 years later we knew each other so intimately... and we grew together. I loved her intensely. We knew each other so well... all our fears and worries, our hopes and regrets, our every thought we shared (because all you CAN do is talk...).
But eventually we grew apart. The distance just wasn't working. And she was too different from me. Culture, family, friends and the fact that I was more of an 'autist' and she more of a free-flown spirit (more on the 'bipolar' side) tore us apart.
A year or two later I tried 'dating' every available girl that would show interest in me, then I met an ex of a co-worker...

The Problem: Just not that into her?
The problem is that now I'm living with this girl, but I don't feel that close to her. When we met she was way into me, but to me she was just another that was probably going to leave me soon.

To my surprise she stuck around. And she was pretty cool. She didn't mind I was not that great (at times) with people or that I wasn't that communicative.
And she didn't view it as a weakness that I wanted to help her, support her and hold her when and where I could. We were quite the obnoxious couple.
And the physical stuff... wow... I'd never want a one-night stand again, having someone who knows what you like is sooo much better.
Oh and we never fought... still don't... only had 'harsh words' 2 times so far.

But still... I still wasn't 'that into her'. I loved her, but not so much for who she was, but what she did for me. It did, and still does, feel like a dishonest love.

Now we're living together and everyone around is is having babies, so she starts talking babies too. And buying a house... on a mortgage....
In short serious stuff you can't get out of in a hurry.

And I wonder if I should continue...
Will I regret staying with this girl when I suddenly meet a real 'soul mate'?
Or am I just like 50% of the men would leave their partners if it wasn't 'such a hassle'.

Summary
tl; dr: Guy meets girl, guy not that into girl, girl into guy, guy goes along, 2 years later they've moved in together, talking kids and mortgage, guy gets cold feet.

02-12-2010, 05:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
Anonymous Member Addict	Just not that into her... after 2 years Wow, you guys are all still around. It's been years since I've been here. Good to know TFP is still alive and kicking. Anyway, I have a life issue, something I can't really share with anyone but total strangers, because others are simply too close. So why not go to TFP for advice . So here is the story (scroll to the bottom for the summary if you're in a hurry, but know you're missing out!): Back story: Relationships have always sucked for me. I'm a 25 year old software engineer that isn't particularly handsome, but is 'passable' (blonde, tall, crooked nose, fit-ish, normally a 5.5 on a scale of 1 to 10, but can dress up to be a 7). These last 2 years I've had a relationship with a girl that isn't particularly gorgeous, but she is pretty (brunette, small, slim, a 6.5). I'm a pretty introvert guy, but I can have my moments, she's a pretty extrovert girl, but she can have her moments. We're both pretty 'autistic' (rules, schedules, etc...), me more than her. We met through a social network... well, she dumped a co-worker who ran off with one of my ex-girlfriends who was abusing me to get to him, but that is some different drama that has nothing to do with this story . We started messaging over this social network and I was about to go backpacking for a couple of weeks, she was going to take a trip to Egypt that she's always wanted so we clicked there. She was coming on strong I mean, she was talking about going with me in my suitcase and sleeping next to me... Even a software engineer could pick up THOSE signals. So when I got back from backpacking, 2 days later, I picked her up and we went to my place, well... we talked a bit about our trips, but let's just say we didn't dwell on the past . That was two years ago, this year we moved together (I lived alone, she lived with her mom) to a small house. Before her, I lived alone for a couple of years, I had a few 'girlfriends', nothing that lasted more than a month really... Before that I had my first real relationship, at 18, a long term long distance relationship for 3 years with a girl hundreds of miles away that I saw 3 times. We met as friends through some early online chat program and 2 years later we knew each other so intimately... and we grew together. I loved her intensely. We knew each other so well... all our fears and worries, our hopes and regrets, our every thought we shared (because all you CAN do is talk...). But eventually we grew apart. The distance just wasn't working. And she was too different from me. Culture, family, friends and the fact that I was more of an 'autist' and she more of a free-flown spirit (more on the 'bipolar' side) tore us apart. A year or two later I tried 'dating' every available girl that would show interest in me, then I met an ex of a co-worker... The Problem: Just not that into her? The problem is that now I'm living with this girl, but I don't feel that close to her. When we met she was way into me, but to me she was just another that was probably going to leave me soon. To my surprise she stuck around. And she was pretty cool. She didn't mind I was not that great (at times) with people or that I wasn't that communicative. And she didn't view it as a weakness that I wanted to help her, support her and hold her when and where I could. We were quite the obnoxious couple. And the physical stuff... wow... I'd never want a one-night stand again, having someone who knows what you like is sooo much better. Oh and we never fought... still don't... only had 'harsh words' 2 times so far. But still... I still wasn't 'that into her'. I loved her, but not so much for who she was, but what she did for me. It did, and still does, feel like a dishonest love. Now we're living together and everyone around is is having babies, so she starts talking babies too. And buying a house... on a mortgage.... In short serious stuff you can't get out of in a hurry. And I wonder if I should continue... Will I regret staying with this girl when I suddenly meet a real 'soul mate'? Or am I just like 50% of the men would leave their partners if it wasn't 'such a hassle'. Summary tl; dr: Guy meets girl, guy not that into girl, girl into guy, guy goes along, 2 years later they've moved in together, talking kids and mortgage, guy gets cold feet.