Having written some myself (years ago) that received some appreciative feedback, I will agree it's very hard to do well. Writing non-erotic fiction for publication is actually easier, IMO. Part of the problem is to make the flow of the story seem normal or believable without getting stilted or boring. Losing your audience's "attention" is definitely a killer during an erotic story. I would suggest that you focus on describing what arouses him most about a situation, using as plain a description as you can. The hotness of a story is measured in it's effect, not its literary quality.
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