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Slims · 11-15-2009, 12:20 PM

Continue to offer her refuge in the hopes you can bring her back into the fold....

But lay down a few unbending ground rules first:

1. No drinking, period
2. Curfew
3. No Sex
4. No Drugs
5. No Stealing
6. Aside from a roof, you only get what you work for.
7. She works to improve herself/her situation continuously. Could be counseling, education, etc.

I don't think this is unreasonable, if she wants a hand-out, she can either accept the preconditions or go elsewhere....but in this fashion you will be able to remain available should she have no one else to turn to.....and if she is desperate enough she may well agree to your rules.

Do I think this will help? Not right away. I fully expect she will continue her normal pattern, as you have described it, at least the first time she comes back looking for shelter. I think the rules will make your lives a little bit easier because there will be no misunderstandings. However, I think you will probably have to kick her out shortly after she arrives....the first time. The next time she comes looking for help, she may make it work for a little while longer before (openly) violating your rules and forcing eviction. The next time may last a little longer...

In the process she may begin to break some of her bad habits and gain new ones.

I know this is a hard situation, and I am fully aware my advice may amount to nothing useful. But I know you and I know that you will not be able to turn your back on your sister, no matter how bad she gets. So you might as well start thinking about how you can mitigate the damage she can do to you guys while at least offering the possibility of some reform.

Good luck.

11-15-2009, 12:20 PM	#12 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Continue to offer her refuge in the hopes you can bring her back into the fold.... But lay down a few unbending ground rules first: 1. No drinking, period 2. Curfew 3. No Sex 4. No Drugs 5. No Stealing 6. Aside from a roof, you only get what you work for. 7. She works to improve herself/her situation continuously. Could be counseling, education, etc. I don't think this is unreasonable, if she wants a hand-out, she can either accept the preconditions or go elsewhere....but in this fashion you will be able to remain available should she have no one else to turn to.....and if she is desperate enough she may well agree to your rules. Do I think this will help? Not right away. I fully expect she will continue her normal pattern, as you have described it, at least the first time she comes back looking for shelter. I think the rules will make your lives a little bit easier because there will be no misunderstandings. However, I think you will probably have to kick her out shortly after she arrives....the first time. The next time she comes looking for help, she may make it work for a little while longer before (openly) violating your rules and forcing eviction. The next time may last a little longer... In the process she may begin to break some of her bad habits and gain new ones. I know this is a hard situation, and I am fully aware my advice may amount to nothing useful. But I know you and I know that you will not be able to turn your back on your sister, no matter how bad she gets. So you might as well start thinking about how you can mitigate the damage she can do to you guys while at least offering the possibility of some reform. Good luck. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence Last edited by Slims; 11-15-2009 at 12:23 PM..