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thespian86 · 10-09-2009, 06:47 PM

jewels:

Perceived happiness is such a loose term. I realize what you're saying but it doesn't really jive with the way i see life. As far as I'm concerned, what makes me happy [the genuine me, not the me bound by 'personal truths' and 'social perception'] is what makes me happy. If I can feel honest in my happiness, I don't see what's perceptual about it.

Perception means walking in with conditions, which i do because everyone does, but I feel over time I can step back and get a good idea of what it is without the initial blast distorting it. At first, I was driven to shit because I had no hand in what happened, but more importantly, I was detoxing from the habits I'd formed involving this person. After that disappeared, and i felt clear, and resolved, I re-evaluated. Which led me here:

I still love her. Genuinely. It's not an issue of attachment because I'm not. So if this love is indeed genuine, then where do I go from here. Letting go of that love is dishonest; at least, i'd feel i was being dishonest with myself. But with that love comes the person, who I have to let go.

how do I find the median?

Halanna:

1) No; maybe I didn't express it properly. I was trying to get across that I haven't 'decided' what it means because I obviously haven't figured it out. So I'm open to what it could become with more perspective; i have an idea but that's all it is for now, or, forever. until i come to terms with it. I only trust the things that feel right; hearsay is hearsay until it sounds right. Dig?

2) I realize what I'm saying sounds like the typical lost 20 something - and I realize that typing that makes it seem more likely - but I accept that I'm young; but I can't ignore what I feel truthfully because my 'my age makes truth unlikely'. But what I mean about the return is shouldn't a personal relationship get a personal response? An action, reaction - situation. If I love her, and she loved me, where did it go. And when it's gone, which it is [I've accepted that], where did the reaction go? That's a genuine question. I don't think there's an answer, but I don't know very much [i'm young! full circle!], so that's why I'm asking. What is it about this that defies logic?

3) I get and appreciate this. But my question is, does it being my past make it mean less then the present and future. and if so, why? If say, I have the love i lost now, and i have one 10 years from now. What makes one more important then the other?

4) What if a day without her is, and I realize how this sounds but i'm being honest, less important. Why is it that because she's gone, she has lost her value in my life? [Because she's gone and it doesn't contain value if it's not there]. But if she created things for me, that i cannot create without her; haven't i lost something?

10-09-2009, 06:47 PM	#4 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	jewels: Perceived happiness is such a loose term. I realize what you're saying but it doesn't really jive with the way i see life. As far as I'm concerned, what makes me happy [the genuine me, not the me bound by 'personal truths' and 'social perception'] is what makes me happy. If I can feel honest in my happiness, I don't see what's perceptual about it. Perception means walking in with conditions, which i do because everyone does, but I feel over time I can step back and get a good idea of what it is without the initial blast distorting it. At first, I was driven to shit because I had no hand in what happened, but more importantly, I was detoxing from the habits I'd formed involving this person. After that disappeared, and i felt clear, and resolved, I re-evaluated. Which led me here: I still love her. Genuinely. It's not an issue of attachment because I'm not. So if this love is indeed genuine, then where do I go from here. Letting go of that love is dishonest; at least, i'd feel i was being dishonest with myself. But with that love comes the person, who I have to let go. how do I find the median? Halanna: 1) No; maybe I didn't express it properly. I was trying to get across that I haven't 'decided' what it means because I obviously haven't figured it out. So I'm open to what it could become with more perspective; i have an idea but that's all it is for now, or, forever. until i come to terms with it. I only trust the things that feel right; hearsay is hearsay until it sounds right. Dig? 2) I realize what I'm saying sounds like the typical lost 20 something - and I realize that typing that makes it seem more likely - but I accept that I'm young; but I can't ignore what I feel truthfully because my 'my age makes truth unlikely'. But what I mean about the return is shouldn't a personal relationship get a personal response? An action, reaction - situation. If I love her, and she loved me, where did it go. And when it's gone, which it is [I've accepted that], where did the reaction go? That's a genuine question. I don't think there's an answer, but I don't know very much [i'm young! full circle!], so that's why I'm asking. What is it about this that defies logic? 3) I get and appreciate this. But my question is, does it being my past make it mean less then the present and future. and if so, why? If say, I have the love i lost now, and i have one 10 years from now. What makes one more important then the other? 4) What if a day without her is, and I realize how this sounds but i'm being honest, less important. Why is it that because she's gone, she has lost her value in my life? [Because she's gone and it doesn't contain value if it's not there]. But if she created things for me, that i cannot create without her; haven't i lost something? __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.