Quote:
Originally Posted by thespian86
I'm just wondering when you lose something dear to you, and you recognize what exactly it was for you [or rather: open to it being what it needs to be], how do you continue with that knowledge. Where do I go from here.
|
So the operative words here seem to be "or rather: open to it being what it needs to be." This implies that there was a situation that you felt wasn't right for you and either one or more people convinced you that it was a situation that you
should have been happy with, but you knew you weren't. The end result is they have convinced you that you have lost something great when you know you didn't. And now you are scared.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thespian86
A part of my problem is how fiercely I love the things I love. And my ability to love is something I really appreciate about myself. But it is certainly confusing; knowing what makes me happy [loving freely/passionately] but also knowing it leaves me feeling very disappointed. Part of that disappointment comes in my unrealistic idea of what the return on that love should be. But there is the split; shouldn't there be a return? even a small one?
|
At least you recognize your unrealistic idea of having love returned. You never, ever love with the expectation that it will be returned. You love and if you are very very lucky it will be returned. NO NO NO, there should NEVER be a return. You love, and that's it. No, don't ever expect a return, even a small one, a smile or a wave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thespian86
I don't want a distraction. Or to run away from the things that upset me. I want to deal with them. But I don't know how to. I know that a lot of answers will be that time will make things easier but all time does is make things blurrier; which makes things worse really.
|
I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thespian86
I need to be okay with loving something that is gone. Because I don't want to stop loving; if i did, i'd be uncomfortable in the wrong way. It would be dishonest. The last thing I need to do is start bullshitting myself again.
|
But I understand exactly what you mean here. You can always love. You can always wish. What you have to do is not let it rule your life, you're in the here and now. So love your past, be grateful for the lessons you learned, admire your progress in seeing relationships, but don't feel that your past is all there is, you have a future that is so full that you can't even imagine the possibilities.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thespian86
My problem is I'm finally at the point where I'm not the problem anymore. Then what... how do i continue?
|
Because you do. The past is the past for a reason. You always have to move forward, with the knowledge you garner along the way. Life moves at one speed, forward. It doesn't reverse, you don't get do-overs.
Take what you have felt, learned, experienced and loved and make tomorrow a better day. Once the day after tomorrow is here, you will have lost your chance.