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thespian86 · 10-09-2009, 06:52 AM

[i'm sorry if i'm too descriptive. i feel if i don't describe it perfectly that it'll be taken the wrong way. i also don't want to be that person who tries to explain away all of your answers; so i'll try to get it right the first time]

I haven't been active here for a while. I haven't been doing well.

I'm not sure where to begin. Let's see. I'm very young, and I'm aware of that. I realize most of the things I will go through in the next 50 years will be challenging. But this isn't an issue of perspective; or rather, a lack thereof. I'm just wondering when you lose something dear to you, and you recognize what exactly it was for you [or rather: open to it being what it needs to be], how do you continue with that knowledge. Where do I go from here.

A part of my problem is how fiercely I love the things I love. And my ability to love is something I really appreciate about myself. But it is certainly confusing; knowing what makes me happy [loving freely/passionately] but also knowing it leaves me feeling very disappointed. Part of that disappointment comes in my unrealistic idea of what the return on that love should be. But there is the split; shouldn't there be a return? even a small one?

I don't want a distraction. Or to run away from the things that upset me. I want to deal with them. But I don't know how to. I know that a lot of answers will be that time will make things easier but all time does is make things blurrier; which makes things worse really. I need to be okay with loving something that is gone. Because I don't want to stop loving; if i did, i'd be uncomfortable in the wrong way. It would be dishonest. The last thing I need to do is start bullshitting myself again.

My problem is I'm finally at the point where I'm not the problem anymore. Then what... how do i continue?

thanks.

taylor.

10-09-2009, 06:52 AM	#1 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	Dealing with loss. [i'm sorry if i'm too descriptive. i feel if i don't describe it perfectly that it'll be taken the wrong way. i also don't want to be that person who tries to explain away all of your answers; so i'll try to get it right the first time] I haven't been active here for a while. I haven't been doing well. I'm not sure where to begin. Let's see. I'm very young, and I'm aware of that. I realize most of the things I will go through in the next 50 years will be challenging. But this isn't an issue of perspective; or rather, a lack thereof. I'm just wondering when you lose something dear to you, and you recognize what exactly it was for you [or rather: open to it being what it needs to be], how do you continue with that knowledge. Where do I go from here. A part of my problem is how fiercely I love the things I love. And my ability to love is something I really appreciate about myself. But it is certainly confusing; knowing what makes me happy [loving freely/passionately] but also knowing it leaves me feeling very disappointed. Part of that disappointment comes in my unrealistic idea of what the return on that love should be. But there is the split; shouldn't there be a return? even a small one? I don't want a distraction. Or to run away from the things that upset me. I want to deal with them. But I don't know how to. I know that a lot of answers will be that time will make things easier but all time does is make things blurrier; which makes things worse really. I need to be okay with loving something that is gone. Because I don't want to stop loving; if i did, i'd be uncomfortable in the wrong way. It would be dishonest. The last thing I need to do is start bullshitting myself again. My problem is I'm finally at the point where I'm not the problem anymore. Then what... how do i continue? thanks. taylor. __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.