Xerxys

Wow, very hard questions indeed. No, the relationship doesn't last unless the person in debt wants to change. And that is the only way it can be addressed. The only way I can think of clearing a 20k debt is by paying $850/month for 2 years and that can only be done by winning the lottery or getting a second night job, either way, only way is to get a severe living adjustment. As far as suggesting it goes ... again, depends on the person and how invested you are in this person to assist them to get through this.

If I was looking at a girl seriously in that i was considering settling down with her this would definitely be a factor. I would suggest a change in habits and perhaps assist by little things but the behavior reeks of irresponsibility and people who spend a lot of money with no visible plan of having it come back to them are often lacking in emotional self worth (Trust me on this one).

I consider an ultimatum something of a finality and once again this would depend on the situation. Is she/he ready to take the leaps required to change their habits? How bad does this affect you? That kind of stuff. It's always mutual, change is. "Associating" with such a person will not ruin your credit, hence security clearance ... marrying him/her, however, will ruin your credit. Security clearance will not be affected in this scenario but here's a small catch 22 ... jobs that require active security clearances half the time require good credit ... go figure. You will loose out on getting anything that requires any form of "credit" and existing credit cards with set rates of interest will also readjust.

Credit is really a bitch to piss off!