girldetective

I was married, now divorced. In the last 1.5 years I was asked to marry again twice (same dude), as well as live with him. I said no.

Its not that I dont want a human of my own. I do very much, more than I can say. It is what I want most of all.
Instead, I think Im gettng a dog. Shit.

However, being so newly divorced I am clear on some mistakes that were made and I dont want to to make them again myself nor do I want to partner up with someone on a more permanent plane until I see that they know what mistakes are and they choose to avoid them. Also, Ive found many new mistakes out there can be made, that I had no idea of. I now believe marriage is something risky and nothing to go into lightly, as I may have in the past.

Another thing to think about is dating and learning to live independently. It is hard, hard work for me. I dont like it. Im lonely and bored without another person to greet or have a beer or whatever. I feel a bit like the frosting without the cupcake. My hope is I will turn out to be the whole cupcake through learning and living, and knowing others. Then, maybe Ill meet with someone who finds me good enough to eat, and me him.

Sometimes I wonder if I will want to marry again. I think my ideal situation might be a hard and fast and true commitment, with independent living in the same city. Sharing most things, but not all. Having the world know you are partners, and expecting it. I like the idea of dating as a lifestyle, with one person. Of course, this could be hard on finances.

When I get the urge for a wedding, I attend or help with one.

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata