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Originally Posted by Halanna
Not only will it hurt him, it will change his perception of you. He may forgive you, but his perception of you is forever altered.
Telling him to alleviate your guilt is double selfish, the cheating act being the first.
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Of course his perception of her will change. She cheated. I would much rather know the real person to whom I committed rather than be in a relationship of lies. Some people may live blissfully ignorant, but personally, I wouldn’t want to be blindsided when the real person comes out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Halanna
Telling him to alleviate your guilt is double selfish, the cheating act being the first.
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Yes she cheated. Yes she feels guilty about it, but why do you feel she doesn’t deserve some peace? She’ll still have to live with what she did. Just because she confessed, doesn’t mean she’ll stop feeling badly.
I feel for this girl. She had a weak moment. Have some compassion. She’s reaching out for help, and it shows she still has a reason to be forgiven.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Halanna
I don't feel he has a right to know. Why do you feel he does?
I'm interested in your thoughts.
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He is committing himself to someone. When he proposed he said to her that he was bringing his whole self into the relationship. When she said “yes” she did the same thing. Whether you believe marriage is an outdated religious ceremony, people who do it are committing themselves to one another. Why get married if you’re going to keep secrets and lies?
Why would someone cheat? Of all the reasons I have heard have involved their partner, directly or indirectly. ”Wasn’t sexually attracted anymore.” “I was looking for excitement.” “I felt I had lost myself.” If they cannot communicate their unhappiness now, then why get married? Hopefully this will open up a dialogue. I’m sure she loves him very much, but there was a reason she did what she did. Love may not be enough to keep these two together. Especially if they can’t talk about it.
He also has a right to know because his body is indirectly involved. People are swapping bodily fluids here. She could catch something and pass it on to him. (I hope you were safe Nienna.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Halanna
How does her coming clean contribute to her ability to vow, and succeed, in never doing anything like this again? In other words how does him having knowledge help her?
I'm interested in your thoughts.
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Vow is a very strong word. You may disagree, but I could never vow with a tarnished heart. It would never hold. She would have “gotten away” with cheating once, and she could do it again. Or it could eat her up inside, and she wouldn’t feel worthy of him. That could drive her to do other things.
Nienna darling, I hope you have learned from this. I hope your love holds strong and you can work through this. You may not get the happy ending that you’re hoping for, but it’s possible that through your actions of owning up to what you did, your relationship got a little stronger.