Quote:
Originally Posted by Vigilante
You are a Marine. If you want to off yourself, you will do so. Pills are for crybabies and pussies, and hardly ever work. Don't play like you couldn't do it if you wanted to. Begging for attention and whining is not for a man of your stature. Rise up, soldier. Quit being a coward.
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This is the most asinine advise you will ever hear in your entire life, this I promise you.
Stating you are too cynical to ask for advice and yet post on-line, regardless of anonimity, is quite the contrary....by typing the lines you were seeking guidance, an empathetic ear, all of which are modes of seeking help. And I, would like to 'hear' you.
Now that you have taken that step, why not the next? Truly seek out emergency crisis intervention services that every community has information on. If you are really rural you may have to take that piece o' crap car on one last ride to get that service but I would venture to guess the reward will be worth it.
Even if Vigilante was amusing at best about his absolute ignorance on suicide and what it takes to be a 'real' man for that matter, he was beginning to make a bit of verifiable sense when he suggested that you can rebuild, restructure, and maintain a healthy independent lifestyle on your own. As someone who works, lives, and counsels others who are in serious and persistent mental health crises, I understand that the support network often leave when they no longer can care for themselves because they are being consumed by the emotions of others. If this is the case than when you are stable and healthy you can revisit the opportunity to rebuild these relationships. If this is not the case then keep in mind that you aren't doing to hot without them now; it is possible to build your own new life and define it in such a way, that not only makes sense but makes you happy and fulfilled - unfortunately they may no longer be in this new life.
More importantly and from me to you, I find you of value and encourage you to seek the help you need so you can once again find value in you. The road will be long and at times painful, but you're worth it - don't ever for a second think you're not. But every other poster above who stated in some way that it is up to YOU to define your own happiness is absolutely true, if you really want it - it's waiting for you to take it.