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Old 08-06-2009, 03:50 PM   #23 (permalink)
Shaindra
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Location: Massachusetts
Quote:
Originally Posted by cadre View Post
I'm not disagreeing with you that there is no easy time to have a baby but do you know anyone working on PhD? It is a lot of work even with no family to take care of. That said, it also takes a lot of time but you can definitely add a few years if you have a child in the middle.
I know a woman who finished her PhD with a 2yo and pregnant with her second. Was it easy? Well, when she finished she held a party where her dissertation was setup as a shrine. I'm guessing easy wasn't the word she'd use.

I also know a woman who got married, finished the PhD, then had the baby in her mid-thirties. She seems very content with her decision too.

Lastly, I know a woman who waited until her thirties to try for her kids after getting her 2 advanced degrees and working on her career. Even with significant medical intervention, she was unable to get pregnant. If she'd tried in her 20s, she likely would be a mother now. She has made peace with not being a mother (did not want to pursue adoption) but if she had to do it over, she'd likely choose differently.

I'm not arguing for the "get pregnant now" angle. I'm just pointing out that our fertility does decline with age. That's just a simple fact of being a woman. While we see celebrities having kids in their late thirties and forties, what we're not seeing is heavy use of donor eggs and significant costs both monetary and emotional. Declining fertility and the physical toll of pregnancy on older woman needs to be weighed against your ability to meet your goals before having children.

I am all about *informed* choice.

---------- Post added at 07:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:48 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by purplelirpa View Post
My bf and I would both like children, but while we are living with his mother and attending school, we just don't feel like we could support a child. I may not be on birth control, but we aren't actively seeking pregnancy. It's kind of a decision that I've left to chance, which I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I feel like if I were to become pregnant, we would manage and adjust our lives accordingly. It would certainly be a child born into a loving environment.
I have to admit..."non-decision decisions" about having a child make me itch. If you are not on birth control and you are "leaving it to chance" that is a *decision*. If you do not want to have children now, please re-think that decision.

---------- Post added at 07:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:48 PM ----------

Lastly, one more comment for the OP. Make sure that part of your desire for a child now isn't wrapped up in some fantasies that are helping you deal with the stress of finishing your schooling. We're such primitive creatures, so easily distracted by new, shiny things to think about when things get tough.

There is only one reason to have children: because you want to become a parent along with all that means.

*hugs*
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