Strange Famous

Or maybe I am becoming sweet.

I broke two of my fingers last night by the way playing football (soccer) - trying to save a rebound... ended up letting in 4 more goals for a 5-0 defeat playing the second half one handed - cos we had no subs. But thats another story.

Last night, before the game even started, when my team were warming up one of the lads accidentally knocked the ball down behind the pitch where the current game was going on. And knocked this kids drink over (like just a cup of squash)

I went over to get the ball, and said sorry to the kid... but his mother (a mad lady basically) started piping up demanding I buy her kid a new drink. I had no cash, and didnt like her tone - and said to her in simple words that I had no cash and her kid shouldnt really leave his drink on the side of a football pitch. She started up calling me an "arsehole" and carrying on... so I just dismissed her with a wave of the hand and walked off. She shouted after me and a few of the lads tried to speak to her but she was just basically insane... and everyone gave up pretty quickly (no one swore at her)

After the game finished and we were going onto the pitch the crazy lady basically called over her guy and pointed me out to him (I assume mostly cos Im the keeper Im the most recognisable person to pick out)... as I walked past them she was telling him to "sort me out" and he said to me "oi!" in a very outrageous way.

Now normally, if some indivdual would speak to me like that, in that situation, my reaction would be quite hostile. Like he thinks he is a position to yell aty me like Im no one, like Im going to be intimidated by a little prick like him I can exactly tell, almost automatically I'd have gone up to him and asked "are you calling me a cunt?" or else called him a cunt and asked him whether he wanted to do anything about it. Just literally picturing in my mind what it would feel like to dip low and swing a lovely wide arcing left hook underneath his rib cage, following it with a crashing forehead into the fragile cheekbone - the first fucking second he made any kind of threatening gesture to me.

But since Ive been dating my current girlfriend I really do feel different. I said to him very calmly "yeah?" He asked what I said to his wife, and I said again very calmly that I told her that her son shouldnt leave his drink by the side of the pitch. He didnt make anything more of it and walked off with the other guys on his team.

Anyway, this is quite a long story to make a simple point.. but in my job I feel a lot less bothered and frustrated by things that used to annoy me, when someone blatantly disprects me as in the above case I just feel like I dont want to waste my energy even engaging in it... I really feel like this girl I am with now has changed my perspective.... its like - not on a conscious level - but just always feeling like someone cares about me, someone is watching me and what I do matters. I dont feel like just reacting to a situation, I feel like doing the things that she would feel were reasonable, that she would admire, or at least condone. I feel like I dont want to disappoint her, even when she isnt there I feel like I dont want to do things I suspect she would be disappointed in.

I dont know if this is how it feels all the time for other people, or just sometimes, but it is the first time I feel like this myself.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas