I concede that relationships can change one very much in very little time - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Strange Famous · 07-17-2009, 03:14 PM

Or maybe I am becoming sweet.

I broke two of my fingers last night by the way playing football (soccer) - trying to save a rebound... ended up letting in 4 more goals for a 5-0 defeat playing the second half one handed - cos we had no subs. But thats another story.

Last night, before the game even started, when my team were warming up one of the lads accidentally knocked the ball down behind the pitch where the current game was going on. And knocked this kids drink over (like just a cup of squash)

I went over to get the ball, and said sorry to the kid... but his mother (a mad lady basically) started piping up demanding I buy her kid a new drink. I had no cash, and didnt like her tone - and said to her in simple words that I had no cash and her kid shouldnt really leave his drink on the side of a football pitch. She started up calling me an "arsehole" and carrying on... so I just dismissed her with a wave of the hand and walked off. She shouted after me and a few of the lads tried to speak to her but she was just basically insane... and everyone gave up pretty quickly (no one swore at her)

After the game finished and we were going onto the pitch the crazy lady basically called over her guy and pointed me out to him (I assume mostly cos Im the keeper Im the most recognisable person to pick out)... as I walked past them she was telling him to "sort me out" and he said to me "oi!" in a very outrageous way.

Now normally, if some indivdual would speak to me like that, in that situation, my reaction would be quite hostile. Like he thinks he is a position to yell aty me like Im no one, like Im going to be intimidated by a little prick like him I can exactly tell, almost automatically I'd have gone up to him and asked "are you calling me a cunt?" or else called him a cunt and asked him whether he wanted to do anything about it. Just literally picturing in my mind what it would feel like to dip low and swing a lovely wide arcing left hook underneath his rib cage, following it with a crashing forehead into the fragile cheekbone - the first fucking second he made any kind of threatening gesture to me.

But since Ive been dating my current girlfriend I really do feel different. I said to him very calmly "yeah?" He asked what I said to his wife, and I said again very calmly that I told her that her son shouldnt leave his drink by the side of the pitch. He didnt make anything more of it and walked off with the other guys on his team.

Anyway, this is quite a long story to make a simple point.. but in my job I feel a lot less bothered and frustrated by things that used to annoy me, when someone blatantly disprects me as in the above case I just feel like I dont want to waste my energy even engaging in it... I really feel like this girl I am with now has changed my perspective.... its like - not on a conscious level - but just always feeling like someone cares about me, someone is watching me and what I do matters. I dont feel like just reacting to a situation, I feel like doing the things that she would feel were reasonable, that she would admire, or at least condone. I feel like I dont want to disappoint her, even when she isnt there I feel like I dont want to do things I suspect she would be disappointed in.

I dont know if this is how it feels all the time for other people, or just sometimes, but it is the first time I feel like this myself.

girldetective · 07-17-2009, 04:46 PM

I like you Strange Famous, and I like this girlfriend of yours more than you will ever know after reading this post.
Life will be good.

ShaniFaye · 07-17-2009, 04:52 PM

Im so proud of you

Is this the same girl that used to work where you do?

oh and you've always been sweet as far as Im concerned

Manic_Skafe · 07-17-2009, 04:59 PM

Not only are you particularly scrappy but your scrape up your face after a night of drinking and break fingers while playing soccer - I'd pass on going a few rounds with you. That woman and her man should consider themselves lucky.

And good for you, love is a wonderful thing.

ratbastid · 07-17-2009, 05:08 PM

Beautiful, SF. When I think about the women I have in my life, really my only requirement is that I'm a better person because I have them. Everything else is secondary to that.

snowy · 07-17-2009, 05:20 PM

I definitely think I am a better person because of my SO. In so many ways, I want to be a better person because of him, and he has helped me reach those goals. It is great to have both inspiration and support. I am happy to hear you have the first; I hope someday you have the second. Good luck with your new relationship, SF.

Bear Cub · 07-17-2009, 06:02 PM

You've turned into a pussy.

Ditch the bitch, and rejoin us in the land of long-term bachelor badasses.

Strange Famous · 07-18-2009, 09:49 AM

Maybe I am going weak... but I dont feel bad about it!

Life is better when you dont feel angry half the time!

thespian86 · 07-18-2009, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strange Famous

Maybe I am going weak... but I dont feel bad about it!

Life is better when you dont feel angry half the time!

Civility isn't a weakness man. There's a time to punch a guy in the ribs, and a time to say, "this is a misunderstanding". It's what being a man is all about. Finding that line. Adhering to it.

And I get what you mean. Relationships don't have rules for me anymore. If it feels right to move fast, change quickly, or to go slow and dip a toe. Whatever works. I'm with you on the quick changes though.

dlish · 07-18-2009, 11:38 AM

you surprise me SF. i seriously was expecting you to hand out the type of punishment you metered out to those two jerks in the street.

i think what you did was a great thing. kudos to you matey. if its the relationship that has changed you then thats great news.

it sucks being alone, so theres nothing quite like a breath of fresh air with a relationship that makes you feel like this.

Strange Famous · 07-18-2009, 12:25 PM

I mean, i have been in very few fights in my adult life... maybe 4 or 5. Its not like I am some kind of hooligan. Or often battering people or getting battered

But I did used to feel angry a lot of the time, especially the last couple of years, and countless times I have lost my temper an basically placed myself in a situation just waiting for it to escalate, just waiting for that disgusting engine inside me to flcik over and I start swinging. I know its dumb, that one day you call the wrong person a name and he comes out with a knife, and either he's put you in hospital or worse, or youre smashing a fist full of keys into his temple and going down for 8 months or worse... if I wasnt such a big man I'd probably have had the shit kicked out of me several times in the last 5 years.

I think a lot of my bad temper and aggression came from my low self esteem, constantly feeling like people were laughing at me, thinking they could do whatever they wanted or say whatever they wanted to me... and I think now I just really feel better about myself.

I know it sounds stupid or lame, but I feel so much different since I have been with Nadia. I dont feel like shit, I dont feel embarassed to walk into a room sometimes because Im so fat or so ugly...I dont feel like any more that I just want to gravitate to the bottom because its where I belong.

Its hard to describe... Ive dated people before, Ive been serious about people before, Ive driven up to Felixstowe to throw four elders of the local Jehovah's WItness church physically out of a girls house before long story)... but before now I have never called someone my girlfrend. I always used to say "my girl"... I just feel so different about this, I think maybe I feel like a grown up for the first time. The las 31 years I was just a big dumb surly kid.

ratbastid · 07-18-2009, 12:32 PM

Is this the girl you used to work with?

Strange Famous · 07-18-2009, 01:10 PM

Yes, and we still work at the same place till the end of this (when her notice is done)

Bear Cub · 07-18-2009, 05:08 PM

Is she an MMA fighter?

Strange Famous · 07-25-2009, 07:43 AM

no, but she used to play tennis to a good level. She trained with the elite young players, but didnt make it as a pro herself. She's certainly played sport at a level I never have and never will get close to.

Lasereth · 07-25-2009, 09:24 AM

Holy crap man, good job. You handled it perfectly.

Strange Famous · 07-25-2009, 09:43 AM

I should make clear that she played with elite UK young players...

So I mean she beat Elana Baltatcha as a teenager, rather than say Maria Sharapova... but still, it impresses me... even if I wasnt as fat as I am its a level of sport I coulnt get to. I was attached to the youth team of a professional football team from 12 to 14, but wasnt even good enough to get to the stage of having a chance of going pro (and I mean soccer - and for European TFP members, it was Colchester Utd)

I once dated a girl who was hit on Pat Rafter also (although she didnt go with him, but still...she was a great girl, she also got hit on by Daryl Sutch while I was present, which impressed me incredably, but he didnt know who he was)

07-17-2009, 03:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I concede that relationships can change one very much in very little time Or maybe I am becoming sweet. I broke two of my fingers last night by the way playing football (soccer) - trying to save a rebound... ended up letting in 4 more goals for a 5-0 defeat playing the second half one handed - cos we had no subs. But thats another story. Last night, before the game even started, when my team were warming up one of the lads accidentally knocked the ball down behind the pitch where the current game was going on. And knocked this kids drink over (like just a cup of squash) I went over to get the ball, and said sorry to the kid... but his mother (a mad lady basically) started piping up demanding I buy her kid a new drink. I had no cash, and didnt like her tone - and said to her in simple words that I had no cash and her kid shouldnt really leave his drink on the side of a football pitch. She started up calling me an "arsehole" and carrying on... so I just dismissed her with a wave of the hand and walked off. She shouted after me and a few of the lads tried to speak to her but she was just basically insane... and everyone gave up pretty quickly (no one swore at her) After the game finished and we were going onto the pitch the crazy lady basically called over her guy and pointed me out to him (I assume mostly cos Im the keeper Im the most recognisable person to pick out)... as I walked past them she was telling him to "sort me out" and he said to me "oi!" in a very outrageous way. Now normally, if some indivdual would speak to me like that, in that situation, my reaction would be quite hostile. Like he thinks he is a position to yell aty me like Im no one, like Im going to be intimidated by a little prick like him I can exactly tell, almost automatically I'd have gone up to him and asked "are you calling me a cunt?" or else called him a cunt and asked him whether he wanted to do anything about it. Just literally picturing in my mind what it would feel like to dip low and swing a lovely wide arcing left hook underneath his rib cage, following it with a crashing forehead into the fragile cheekbone - the first fucking second he made any kind of threatening gesture to me. But since Ive been dating my current girlfriend I really do feel different. I said to him very calmly "yeah?" He asked what I said to his wife, and I said again very calmly that I told her that her son shouldnt leave his drink by the side of the pitch. He didnt make anything more of it and walked off with the other guys on his team. Anyway, this is quite a long story to make a simple point.. but in my job I feel a lot less bothered and frustrated by things that used to annoy me, when someone blatantly disprects me as in the above case I just feel like I dont want to waste my energy even engaging in it... I really feel like this girl I am with now has changed my perspective.... its like - not on a conscious level - but just always feeling like someone cares about me, someone is watching me and what I do matters. I dont feel like just reacting to a situation, I feel like doing the things that she would feel were reasonable, that she would admire, or at least condone. I feel like I dont want to disappoint her, even when she isnt there I feel like I dont want to do things I suspect she would be disappointed in. I dont know if this is how it feels all the time for other people, or just sometimes, but it is the first time I feel like this myself. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

07-17-2009, 04:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
girldetective sufferable	I like you Strange Famous, and I like this girlfriend of yours more than you will ever know after reading this post. Life will be good. __________________ As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

07-17-2009, 04:52 PM	#3 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Im so proud of you Is this the same girl that used to work where you do? oh and you've always been sweet as far as Im concerned __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

07-17-2009, 04:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
Manic_Skafe More Than You Expect Location: Queens	Not only are you particularly scrappy but your scrape up your face after a night of drinking and break fingers while playing soccer - I'd pass on going a few rounds with you. That woman and her man should consider themselves lucky. And good for you, love is a wonderful thing. __________________ "Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

07-17-2009, 05:20 PM	#6 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	I definitely think I am a better person because of my SO. In so many ways, I want to be a better person because of him, and he has helped me reach those goals. It is great to have both inspiration and support. I am happy to hear you have the first; I hope someday you have the second. Good luck with your new relationship, SF. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

07-17-2009, 05:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Beautiful, SF. When I think about the women I have in my life, really my only requirement is that I'm a better person because I have them. Everything else is secondary to that.

07-17-2009, 06:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
Bear Cub The Reverend Side Boob Location: Nofe Curolina	You've turned into a pussy. Ditch the bitch, and rejoin us in the land of long-term bachelor badasses. __________________ Living in the United Socialist States of America.

07-18-2009, 09:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Maybe I am going weak... but I dont feel bad about it! Life is better when you dont feel angry half the time! __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

07-18-2009, 11:38 AM	#10 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	you surprise me SF. i seriously was expecting you to hand out the type of punishment you metered out to those two jerks in the street. i think what you did was a great thing. kudos to you matey. if its the relationship that has changed you then thats great news. it sucks being alone, so theres nothing quite like a breath of fresh air with a relationship that makes you feel like this. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

07-18-2009, 12:25 PM	#11 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I mean, i have been in very few fights in my adult life... maybe 4 or 5. Its not like I am some kind of hooligan. Or often battering people or getting battered But I did used to feel angry a lot of the time, especially the last couple of years, and countless times I have lost my temper an basically placed myself in a situation just waiting for it to escalate, just waiting for that disgusting engine inside me to flcik over and I start swinging. I know its dumb, that one day you call the wrong person a name and he comes out with a knife, and either he's put you in hospital or worse, or youre smashing a fist full of keys into his temple and going down for 8 months or worse... if I wasnt such a big man I'd probably have had the shit kicked out of me several times in the last 5 years. I think a lot of my bad temper and aggression came from my low self esteem, constantly feeling like people were laughing at me, thinking they could do whatever they wanted or say whatever they wanted to me... and I think now I just really feel better about myself. I know it sounds stupid or lame, but I feel so much different since I have been with Nadia. I dont feel like shit, I dont feel embarassed to walk into a room sometimes because Im so fat or so ugly...I dont feel like any more that I just want to gravitate to the bottom because its where I belong. Its hard to describe... Ive dated people before, Ive been serious about people before, Ive driven up to Felixstowe to throw four elders of the local Jehovah's WItness church physically out of a girls house before long story)... but before now I have never called someone my girlfrend. I always used to say "my girl"... I just feel so different about this, I think maybe I feel like a grown up for the first time. The las 31 years I was just a big dumb surly kid. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

07-18-2009, 12:32 PM	#12 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Is this the girl you used to work with?

07-18-2009, 01:10 PM	#13 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	Yes, and we still work at the same place till the end of this (when her notice is done) __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

07-18-2009, 05:08 PM	#14 (permalink)
Bear Cub The Reverend Side Boob Location: Nofe Curolina	Is she an MMA fighter? __________________ Living in the United Socialist States of America.

07-25-2009, 07:43 AM	#15 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	no, but she used to play tennis to a good level. She trained with the elite young players, but didnt make it as a pro herself. She's certainly played sport at a level I never have and never will get close to. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

07-25-2009, 09:24 AM	#16 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	Holy crap man, good job. You handled it perfectly. __________________ "A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

07-25-2009, 09:43 AM	#17 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I should make clear that she played with elite UK young players... So I mean she beat Elana Baltatcha as a teenager, rather than say Maria Sharapova... but still, it impresses me... even if I wasnt as fat as I am its a level of sport I coulnt get to. I was attached to the youth team of a professional football team from 12 to 14, but wasnt even good enough to get to the stage of having a chance of going pro (and I mean soccer - and for European TFP members, it was Colchester Utd) I once dated a girl who was hit on Pat Rafter also (although she didnt go with him, but still...she was a great girl, she also got hit on by Daryl Sutch while I was present, which impressed me incredably, but he didnt know who he was) __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas