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You said you "half-teasingly" told her you'd left the dishes for her, probably as soon as she walked in the door. Why not let her get home, relax and appreciate you putting the kids to bed, and see the dishes need to be done herself?
Sounds to me like you give her attitude and expect her not to give any back in return.
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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel
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