Originally Posted by purplelirpa

I've been trying to get my boyfriend to do sexual things to me even if they don't end in sex (vaginal penetration). He seems very uninterested, doesn't like handjobs, only kind of likes blowjobs. It's not an issue of orgasm, because he'll get off, he just says it depresses him after because it wasn't sex.

I really like masturbating, I like for a guy to want to touch me, I would like watching him touch himself, even. But none of the above interest him (at least not in the attempts I've made so far). He's said that if it he knows it won't end in penetration, he doesn't want to do it. He'll masturbate by himself, but he never does it when I'm in the room.

When we can't have sex as often (I have a hard time getting turned on in a reasonable amount of time), I just want to do something that keeps that closeness as often as we can. We're really drifting apart.

And as for the issue of me not getting turned on, I don't know what's up with that, either. I just thought that having sexual relationships would be more interesting than this. Where's the imagination? Can there still be passion after the first month in a relationship? We've been together 2 years, and it's been this monotonous mess of me being frustrated and controlling and him shutting down and I don't even know what to do anymore.

If this were the first relationship I'd dealt with this in, I'd be inclined to think I was with the wrong person. But when every sexual relationship I get into eventually turns out with me extremely bored and the guy thinking that I'm some sort of oddity for wanting to be teased or played with. Is this so out of the ordinary? I've read many romance novels which seem to be written to the contrary.

Is it a common fantasy for a woman to want to have the desire drawn out and to feel like her partner is focused on prolonging that aching feeling? And if so, is it practical of me to expect this from him, or is there a way to lower my sexual expectation so that my turn-ons aren't so rigid?

Originally Posted by purplelirpa

Shell, could you explain this turn-off switch that I have?
It's a shame that we get along so well outside of the bedroom...

I just want to act in a way that's fair to both of us, I want us to be able to connect sexually, we connect so well in other areas of our lives.

Originally Posted by purplelirpa

It was bullshit when he told me that he couldn't give me what I wanted because HE wasn't employed, then when I wasn't employed and going to school, it was because of that. Then the car wreck, followed by the brain surgery. Then, it was because he saw me all of the time and there wasn't the same desire to see me (sort of familiarity breeds contempt). I mean, I know life sucks, but sex is the one thing that I can do that isn't illegal that destresses me, and I can't figure out how a person could be so stressed as to stop having sex altogether. He doesn't cheat, we're around each other all of the time.

In the meantime, anyone like reading/writing erotica?

Originally Posted by Hyacinthe

Wanting to be the centre of attention isn't necessarily selfish - you should feel like you have your partners complete attention.

Originally Posted by curiousbear

Personally I am not a successful person in sex life. But I could relate to the situation you folks are in... so tried my take, hope it helps