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Thanks for the reassurance, everyone. I'm glad to hear that the general consensus is that my fantasies are fairly normal and healthy. I'm not really sure where to go from here. This relationship is a complicated one, and I guess these things always show up in sex.
We're both only children of single mothers, so I think that plays a pretty big role in how our affection is. Our communication can be pretty one-sided from both parties, and I think that we're both fairly egocentric, selfish, sensitive, stubborn, and demanding. It's easy for me to see after a couple of years, but not as easy to figure out where to go next.
The biggest problem I face with him is that he doesn't often communicate his problems to me and I voice everything that crosses my mind. Neither is really an effective method, and I've wondered recently if writing things down (especially criticism) would be better than these crazy marathon argument sessions.
As far as the issue of resentment and sex, I can be pissed at him but still want him to have sex with me. I may not want to hold him afterwards, but it's a great release for all of that aggression.
Acetylene, thanks for the advice. It's definitely worrisome, especially when it presents itself in more than just the bedroom. What I can't figure out is why I was being resented for being dependent, when the reason I went back to work and dropped a semester at school (after he originally thought that his income would be enough while I attended classes), was because he had to have brain surgery on an aneurysm. So, I applied where he worked and we worked at the same place for 8 mo's, on the same schedule. So naturally, he drove me there. When I was in school, it was only a few blocks from home, so I either walked or biked.
I hated the job, though. I did make us late on several occasions, but I just couldn't for the life of me get out of bed. Usually, I'd stay up really late online and just sleep right through the alarm. Neither of us ever felt like we could unwind or relax.
Now, I'm starting a new job and have a car. He tells me things are going to be different now, that he's more attracted to me now. I don't know, I just think it's bullshit. It was bullshit when he told me that he couldn't give me what I wanted because HE wasn't employed, then when I wasn't employed and going to school, it was because of that. Then the car wreck, followed by the brain surgery. Then, it was because he saw me all of the time and there wasn't the same desire to see me (sort of familiarity breeds contempt). I mean, I know life sucks, but sex is the one thing that I can do that isn't illegal that destresses me, and I can't figure out how a person could be so stressed as to stop having sex altogether. He doesn't cheat, we're around each other all of the time.
I feel, that if things don't start changing soon, that I either need to get couples therapy or just call it quits. It bugs me because we are on the same intellectual level, have similar senses of humor, hobbies, political views, etc. I just wish he'd take some initiative with his life and stop making excuses for everything.
In the meantime, anyone like reading/writing erotica?
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