Quote:
Originally Posted by purplelirpa
so I brought all of these concerns up with him today and he said that now that we aren't working for the same company anymore, he doubts that these things will be an issue. He said he was only not interested in them because he was resenting me for depending on him for the car (I just got one) and making him late for work a lot. Does that make sense? They don't even seem related in my head.
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Run away! They are NOT related, or at least they should not be.
Many people drag their issues with their partner into the bedroom instead of talking about them. This is one of those classic complaints that is usually associated with women - withholding sex and sexual pleasure to punish the other person - but it is not unique to one gender. It's obviously more difficult to make love if you're actively angry with someone, but this kind of slow-burn resentment is a dangerous, dangerous thing if he lets it affect your relationship so severely and doesn't discuss it with you. (I'm assuming he didn't discuss it with you because you didn't know the car was his issue.)
Coming from his point of view, I think he thinks you owe him because of all the things he does for you (drive you around, etc.) and he deserves you to please him in return. When you ask to be pleased, he thinks "Good God, not another request! When is it MY turn!"
The reason why this seems like a dealbreaker for me is, this means he thinks of you as a whore: You sex him how he likes it, and in return he will provide for you materially (with a car). This is NOT how it should be, obviously - relationships are give-and-take, yes, but one arena spilling into the other in this way is uncool and it won't stop here. People with this attitude of entitlement can always find a reason why they "deserve" something from you, and why you DON'T "deserve" anything from them.
I think it was Ratbastid that said, "Ask not what your partner can do for you, ask what you can do for your partner." When both parties take this attitude, life is wonderful and everyone is pleased. But when one of them is keeping a mental tally of all the favors they've done for the other, and adding up the tab at the bottom in units of penile penetration, everything breaks down.