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Although it's very important to take others' feelings into consideration when it involves such selfish and drastic acts as suicide, it's pretty much too late for that. Right now, the op and her issues need to come first in her life. Making amends should come later when she's more stabilized. Not only my opinion, but it's just been my experience that this is how it's done while under professional care in treatment.
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i understand what you're saying, but the entire op is about a yearning to re-connect with the friends that have backed off. although i'm only given a limited amount of info to go on, my guess is that there's been ample treatment up to and through these 3 calls for help when it comes to baggage and stabilization. if the op wants to re-connect with friends and doing so can possibly inspire them to stop jerking them around by trying to leave them in this life, i'm all for it. optimally a person finds enough reason to finish out their run on this planet within themselves, but if you have to find it in the fact that you'd be seriously hurting people that you care about and who care about you, that'll still get the job done.
i know if i were all alone i'd be much more likely to quit in a rough patch than if i had to think about what that would do to my friends and family, and not breaking their hearts would be more motivating than anything i could come up with my self in a lot of cases.