Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Awkward Conversation with your "first" years later...

Ambiguity · 06-16-2009, 12:47 AM

So about 6 months ago, I was having a conversation with the girl I lost my virginity to (we were both virgins) way back in High School. Talking about 7 years now.

This conversation was the first we had spoken in years, as our break-up was the usual high-school drama, and occurred right at the end of school. She went off to college, I moved half the country away.

So we're talking and she mentions something about our first (and only) time having sex. It was kind of the textbook awkward, teenager, "not sure about any of this" experience. We didn't have a condom, so we stopped after only a few minutes. I had always wondered if our breakup was based some kind of problem with our encounter, blah blah blah. Over time I got over it of course, but for her to bring it up after all this time definitely caught my ear.

However, there was no discussion about it, as the words that she spoke left me speechless/confused long enough for her to change the subject decidedly, and end the conversation quickly.

(I had asked in a politically correct way about her long time boyfriend and her breaking up.

(loosely quoted) - Her-(something about not being able to enjoy a sex life)
Me-"What do you mean?"
Her - "Well, when you and I had sex there was some tearing, in more than the usual places"

I didn't say anything for a few seconds, trying to process what she was saying, and by the time the word "What?" got to my mouth, she had moved the conversation onwards and upwards, with prejudice.

Now we've spoken every few months since then, and I've tried to bring it up, but she doesn't like to discuss it, and usually ends the conversation pretty quickly after I try to broach the subject.

Lately I'm finding that it's weighing on my conscious. Did I hurt her somehow? What does she mean "can't enjoy a sex life?" I know her relationships over the last few years have been short and relatively rocky, from what I gather from our infrequent conversations. I've tried to let it go, but she's the girl I gave my virginity to, and a close friend now years later, I need some kind of closure about it.

Or am I being way too sensitive for my mental health?

Have you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?

06-16-2009, 12:47 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ambiguity Tilted	Awkward Conversation with your "first" years later... So about 6 months ago, I was having a conversation with the girl I lost my virginity to (we were both virgins) way back in High School. Talking about 7 years now. This conversation was the first we had spoken in years, as our break-up was the usual high-school drama, and occurred right at the end of school. She went off to college, I moved half the country away. So we're talking and she mentions something about our first (and only) time having sex. It was kind of the textbook awkward, teenager, "not sure about any of this" experience. We didn't have a condom, so we stopped after only a few minutes. I had always wondered if our breakup was based some kind of problem with our encounter, blah blah blah. Over time I got over it of course, but for her to bring it up after all this time definitely caught my ear. However, there was no discussion about it, as the words that she spoke left me speechless/confused long enough for her to change the subject decidedly, and end the conversation quickly. (I had asked in a politically correct way about her long time boyfriend and her breaking up. (loosely quoted) - Her-(something about not being able to enjoy a sex life) Me-"What do you mean?" Her - "Well, when you and I had sex there was some tearing, in more than the usual places" I didn't say anything for a few seconds, trying to process what she was saying, and by the time the word "What?" got to my mouth, she had moved the conversation onwards and upwards, with prejudice. Now we've spoken every few months since then, and I've tried to bring it up, but she doesn't like to discuss it, and usually ends the conversation pretty quickly after I try to broach the subject. Lately I'm finding that it's weighing on my conscious. Did I hurt her somehow? What does she mean "can't enjoy a sex life?" I know her relationships over the last few years have been short and relatively rocky, from what I gather from our infrequent conversations. I've tried to let it go, but she's the girl I gave my virginity to, and a close friend now years later, I need some kind of closure about it. Or am I being way too sensitive for my mental health? Have you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?