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ngdawg · 06-13-2009, 10:10 PM

It's kind of ironic when you're told to "take care of yourself first" when attempting suicide is also a very selfish act. But they are different sides of the same coin.
We become so immersed in whatever inner hell we're going thru that the only thing we see and feel and experience is our own pain. We obssess with the thought that no one cares, emotions become numb, but we do nothing else but dwell on the numbness. Insert vicious spiral.

Your family and friends are at a loss as to what to do to make you come out of the self-enveloping cave you created. That is where "take care of yourself first" comes from. It also might be their way of protecting themselves from the pain they may get from losing you, some misguided thought that if they act like they don't care, it won't hurt so bad. In other words, resigned acceptance.

We do create ripples that affect everyone around us, even if you feel like you aren't.
In order to "heal yourself" you have to break down walls. Your therapist sounds like a keeper.
No one has the power to control our lives but ourselves. Our choices must be made for the betterment of ourselves, but they affect everyone within your "pond".

I think you had 3 attempts not because you're unskilled at ending your life, but because you wanted to change it. A few years ago, my sister deliberately drove her car into a ditch. Her explanation: She wasn't attempting suicide, she just wanted a "time out" from where she was at that point in time. I'm glad she didn't hit the ditch too hard. Now she's a very successful costume designer and award winning doll maker and watched her two children graduate college.
Good luck. Things have a way of working out if we just open ourselves up to the possibilites. And leave the cave dwelling to bats.

06-13-2009, 10:10 PM	#28 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	It's kind of ironic when you're told to "take care of yourself first" when attempting suicide is also a very selfish act. But they are different sides of the same coin. We become so immersed in whatever inner hell we're going thru that the only thing we see and feel and experience is our own pain. We obssess with the thought that no one cares, emotions become numb, but we do nothing else but dwell on the numbness. Insert vicious spiral. Your family and friends are at a loss as to what to do to make you come out of the self-enveloping cave you created. That is where "take care of yourself first" comes from. It also might be their way of protecting themselves from the pain they may get from losing you, some misguided thought that if they act like they don't care, it won't hurt so bad. In other words, resigned acceptance. We do create ripples that affect everyone around us, even if you feel like you aren't. In order to "heal yourself" you have to break down walls. Your therapist sounds like a keeper. No one has the power to control our lives but ourselves. Our choices must be made for the betterment of ourselves, but they affect everyone within your "pond". I think you had 3 attempts not because you're unskilled at ending your life, but because you wanted to change it. A few years ago, my sister deliberately drove her car into a ditch. Her explanation: She wasn't attempting suicide, she just wanted a "time out" from where she was at that point in time. I'm glad she didn't hit the ditch too hard. Now she's a very successful costume designer and award winning doll maker and watched her two children graduate college. Good luck. Things have a way of working out if we just open ourselves up to the possibilites. And leave the cave dwelling to bats. __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.