Cynthetiq

You can't worry about the relationships until you fix the relationship with yourself. You've overstayed your welcome as far as friends and family is concerned. You may be abe to recover some of it over time, but it's not going to be simple or a wave of a magic wand.

You were selfish in your actions and most people don't like selfish people. It doesn't matter if it's selfish suicidal, or just selfish with toys, food, time, or attention.

You need to fix you before you fix any relationships with anyone else. Otherwise, the foundation of the fix is not real or honest to your true self.

re: the suicide hotline, that's fucked up but that's not surprising to me. if you aren't willing to there for someone else, why would anyone else? AA has a responsible mantra, "I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible." This puts responsibility squarely on your shoulders, even in weakness, because there is always someone who is feeling worse than or has it worse than your circumstances. You are not unique, you are not special, you are a human being that experiences and connects with other human beings.

I wish you luck, and thanks, you've reminded me of my responsibility to other people that I've forgotten these past few days as I sit frustrated in my own issues.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.