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the way you paint this picture, your ex sounds like she isn't much of a friend to her best friend/the girl you like, and like she's still trying to have control over you. I don't think she still wants you, but she likes being able to play with you as she wishes and to think she has you as backup if all else fails.
Usually, if people are balanced and things are solid between them (friendship), I'd say dating an ex's best friend is something to stay away from, or at least, very tricky. But 'best friend' is a relative term. Some people, like myself, can say that the 'best friend' I currently have, is someone I would never want to hurt or betray, and who will likely always be a part of my life. Other people have strings of 'best friend's, not understanding at all what the concept means, and supporting their relationship with that friend on a merely contextual base. How long does their friendship go back?
I would say that your ex is not nurturing her friendship as she should if this girl is her 'best friend'. I think that if you go ahead, it will harm the friendship, but if it's worth losing, even if only temporarily (but with irreversible changes most likely), then you guys should give it a shot. Only one life to live, follow your heart and all that.
One more thought: often times we end up dating people within our same social circle again and again because it's just easy, they are at hand. You may really like this girl but I'd definitely give this perspective some thought. If this ex of yours is so manipulative, why is her best friend this other girl you like so much, that is so great? Why are they 'best friends'? It's always good to have your eyes open when entering into something as messy as this could be.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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