bcarson90

as you can read by the title i'm thinking of asking this girl out. the only problem is she is my ex's best friend. i guess there is a rule that a girl cant date her best friend's ex. now from talking to the girl she would but doesnt want to ruin her friendship. she thinks my ex was an idoit for cheating and that because that fact the rule shouldnt apply. what do you guys think would this rule apply or should we both just tell my ex to get over it. since she has a new boyfriend that she throws in my face everyday and has gotten over me.

Shauk

heh, if you had asked me a few years ago I would have said to stay away.

now? I say, do what makes you happy, be selfish, and stop worrying about what she would think. The girl that you end up with is doing the same thing, apparently.

bcarson90

its funny cause my ex think i'm trying to get back at her. i'm not but it is a thought. she think i'm planing on hurting her friend far from my plans. i think my ex just doesnt want me to be happy because then she'll lose her power of me because she was my first love. she became what my sister calls a level 6 clinger what ever that is. any1 know.

inBOIL

Your ex isn't over you. The only problem with you dating her friend is that it affects their friendship, and that isn't really your concern.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

bcarson90

why do you think my ex isnt over me? and my ex has fucked up her relationship with this girl. she will only talk to her when she doesnt have a bf, and when she does have a bf she wont talk to her at all.

KirStang

Seems like you're still really mad at your ex. And you seem to already have had your mind made up.

Do a cost-benefit analysis. Proceed from there.

inBOIL

She keeps throwing her boyfriend in your face, and she doesn't want to lose her power over you. These are things you don't do when you're over someone.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

bcarson90

boil your right because when she didnt have a bf she would ask me to do things for her and i would a be a sucker and do it and then she would tell me that i need to move on with my life and find some1 else. when she is tell me shit like i'm a guy she would want to marry if she doesnt find some1 soon. it pissed me off cause she would drag me back from getting over her. i'm finally over her and i've moved on to where i want to date her best friend.

little_tippler

the way you paint this picture, your ex sounds like she isn't much of a friend to her best friend/the girl you like, and like she's still trying to have control over you. I don't think she still wants you, but she likes being able to play with you as she wishes and to think she has you as backup if all else fails.

Usually, if people are balanced and things are solid between them (friendship), I'd say dating an ex's best friend is something to stay away from, or at least, very tricky. But 'best friend' is a relative term. Some people, like myself, can say that the 'best friend' I currently have, is someone I would never want to hurt or betray, and who will likely always be a part of my life. Other people have strings of 'best friend's, not understanding at all what the concept means, and supporting their relationship with that friend on a merely contextual base. How long does their friendship go back?

I would say that your ex is not nurturing her friendship as she should if this girl is her 'best friend'. I think that if you go ahead, it will harm the friendship, but if it's worth losing, even if only temporarily (but with irreversible changes most likely), then you guys should give it a shot. Only one life to live, follow your heart and all that.

One more thought: often times we end up dating people within our same social circle again and again because it's just easy, they are at hand. You may really like this girl but I'd definitely give this perspective some thought. If this ex of yours is so manipulative, why is her best friend this other girl you like so much, that is so great? Why are they 'best friends'? It's always good to have your eyes open when entering into something as messy as this could be.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Seaver

I agree with everyone else here. Your ex still has a great deal of power over you, and she ensures she keeps it by flaunting BF's to you and then regaining your affections when she's single. Don't worry about her feelings on this issue because she doesn't care too much about yours.

Fuck her friend and tell her she's 10x better than your ex ever was.

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"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

FuglyStick

Ex's best friend is okay.

Best friend's ex in a no no.

So you're good; she's jeopardizing her friendship with your ex however. Depending on the kind of person you are, you are either going to be alright with ending a friendship or not.

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AZIZ! LIGHT!

Shell

...you may not want to hear this but your ex is an immature self-absorbed gameplayer...stay as far away as possible...and that's including her "best friend" because there would always that connection. The only way a relationship would work with her "best friend" would be for the best friend to cross her off her list for good.

Good luck, Shell

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..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

levite

Frankly, Shell is quite right: your ex sounds like a toxic enough person that it's probably worth not dating anyone she knows, just to stay clear of her and people like her.

On the other hand, if you seriously want to date this girl who's your ex's bff, it's important to recall that the only reason not to date her would be if you were still close friends with your ex, following an amicable breakup, and therefore didn't want to hurt her. Even then, if you had a serious yen for her friend, I would say, ask your ex.

But you didn't have an amicable breakup with your ex. She sounds, in point of fact, like a complete bitch. Therefore, you owe her nothing. Therefore, if you want to date her best friend, do it. Hell, if you want to send her live color video of you shagging her best friend on the hood of your ex's car, you're probably justified in that, too.

Dating you may pose some problem for this girl, the best friend, but that's not your problem.

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

MSD

If she's actually your ex's friend, your ex will consciously or subconsciously try to sabotage any relationship she might get into with you. It sounds like she's a manipulative bitch who most likely doesn't have many friends, just people who put up with her for whatever reason. Her friend who you're interested in seems like a pushover and probably has issues of her own if she's willing to be treated like that by her "best friend."
Don't make me embed a warning siren sound effect. She's a crazy bitch and you need to sever contact now. If you end up with her friend, the friend is going to hear lie after lie from your ex about how you called her drunk and wanted to hook up, she saw you with another girl, whatever, until the doubt drives you apart. Get over her and get out of the blast radius.

ametc

I'm dating an old friend's ex and she minded a little, but I really didn't care because she broke up with him.


It really doesn't matter and you should just go ahead and go out with your ex's best friend if you truly want to.

ItWasMe

If you really want to date this girl, ask her out. It's up to her to decide if being with you is worth essentially breaking her friendship with your ex. If she chooses your ex instead of you, after the way your ex treats you and this girl, well ... then you deserve someone better. Because if this girl chooses your ex, she might be more like your ex than you realize.

Either way, sever contact with your ex. Some girls will hit up ex-boyfriends for favors until he finally says no. When I started dating a guy 20 some years ago, his ex-girlfriend always seemed to find out when we had plans to go somewhere. She liked to screw up our dates by calling him, begging for a ride. Out of gas, locked keys in car, car not starting, late for appointment somewhere. You name it. Finally I bought him a window clingie that read "Ex-Girlfriend In Trunk." I told him from now on, only one of us gets rides from him. If it was her, I was moving on.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

genuinegirly

If she's not bothered by the scenario, that's great. Go for it.
But if she turns out to be just as much of a mess as her friend, I wouldn't be shocked.

Personally I'd try to get as far away from this as possible.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Plan9

The gospel according to Saint MSD.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."