little_tippler

I think if you want an answer to this part of your question, you'd do best to move this into Tilted Sexuality, where the men can respond.

This is an interesting question. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to look at this. Every person is different.

Both emotional and physical compatibility are important to me. Which should come first, is what I think you're asking.

For me, I can't feel physically attracted if there is no emotional connection. I don't mean that we've shared our entire life stories and understand each other. It could be something small. Something the guy has said that clicked with me, and I see there is maybe a spark of mutual understanding there. It could just be an illusion in my head, which I guess most times it may be, but I need that invisible thread there before I move on to thinking, I'd like to have sex with you.

I think it's important to find out if there is physical compatibility early on also. Because problems in bed usually harm other areas of a relationship. But then, the opposite is also true. I may have great sex with a guy, but if I feel he has no regard for my feelings and what I care about, I will soon lose interest and want to find someone else.

On a practical level, I am unlikely to go for sex on a first date. Only because one date isn't enough for me to gage who the guy is, to know if I want sex with him.

But I'm not consciously thinking, ok I'm going to make him wait. What I'm thinking is, I want to wait. I'm not ready yet. I don't know enough and I don't want to be stupid and then get hurt. Because on an instinctive level, throwing caution and rationality out the window, when I like a guy, I want it to work. And that sometimes makes me a little blind. So sometimes, waiting a little is my way of making sure that, even if in the end it doesn't work out, I don't regret what I've done and feel that it was worth a try.

As you can probably tell, I'm not into casual sex just for the hell of it. Sex is great, but I have to like the person I'm having it with.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918