Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedmedia
The sort of indirect communication I do have a problem with is passive-aggressive and/or manipulative communication. It's dishonest and very annoying.
|
This type of communication is very annoying because you can assume what the person wants, but assumptions can also be wrong, which is why being direct and saying what one means is so important.
Example A: A conversation between 2 friends where one of them wants to get together. She says: "Such and such a movie is playing, I'd like to see it, I wonder if anyone else does..." and "Bah, I don't have any plans this weekend, I just don't know what to do." Now, is it up to the other friend to offer to go to the movie with her and play her manipulative communication game? Some people do, but others don't want to be involved in that. If she'd just come out and say, "I want to see this movie, do you want to go with me this weekend to see it?" the conversation would go quicker and there would be no questioning what is wanted. I believe many people communicate this way because they are fearful of rejection.
Example B: A passive-aggressive exchange between people living together. "The dishes sure are piling up. I sure hate that. It seems like I spend all my free time washing dishes. I also have to clean and the laundry is piling up. *sigh*" Does this person want help? The assumption would be yes. However, it would much easier just to say, "There are a lot of things to get done. Would you mind doing the laundry while I clean up around here?" Maybe this form of passive discussion is used because the person doesn't want to appear to be bossy.
In those situations, is the person on the receiving end of the initial communication lazy or unintelligent for choosing not to make assumptions about what the other means? In my opinion, no. Some people expect a person to say what they mean and don't believe in pondering the hidden meanings behind every word a person says.
As a side note: There is a great site that has activities on it one can do to become more assertive. I can't remember the linky right now, but it has been helpful to me.
---------- Post added at 04:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:46 PM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowy
We've been working a lot on "tone" this year, my SO and I. I find we're much more willing to listen to one another and have a good discussion together if we keep our tone in mind. Communication is something we always try to work on together. We're not the best communicators, but we're certainly willing to put in the work to improve. I think that makes a big difference.
|
Tone is something I've had to work on also. JJ often comments that I seem mocking when we are having disagreements. It has been something that I have to watch because it is a defense mechanism I use. Personally, I hate a condescending tone. I'm getting better at not letting it bug me, but being talked down to is something I do not appreciate. Luckily, I don't encounter that much now that I am out of the classroom. Parents are the worst in my experiences. There is no reason to speak to a teacher in that kind of tone.