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Try Trojan's disposable vibrating cock ring. It works slower than a handheld vibrator because it isn't in constant contact, and it doesn't disrupt the "main event" at all.
It may not help with the "shouldn't use them" problem, but then again, it might - you are still having sex, after all. Getting her to use it might be easier because it's disposable, and it's often easier to convince people to try something just once. Then, if she likes it, you can invest in a nicer one.
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