Orgasm ability/comfort with alternate methods... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Sherk · 03-24-2009, 08:38 AM

Ok guys,

My wife and I have acquired some toys over the years of being together, however lately she doesn't ever want to use them.

Now, while I feel great that she wants *me*, and not a toy... sometimes it's very hard to get her to orgasm. She has a lot of trouble staying focused (the living situation is difficult, and privacy can be an issue, even if we're in a locked room).

I've tried oral sex, she's able to I'd say 50% of the time, the other half, she pulls me up for the "main event" after 30-45 mins. I've had a decent amount of experience in this arena, and most of the time could accomplish the deed - some girls however just don't seem as responsive as others... my wife being one of them.

She says that she doesn't want to use toys because they either get her off too fast (I don't see this as a terrible problem, wait a while and do it again!), or she feels like she shouldn't be using them.

Now, I have absolutely no problem (hell I'll use 'em on her!), I don't mind, as it's going to give her pleasure. I'm not going to be jealous of an inanimate object... it's not like it's another person.

How do I get her to be more receptive to using toys?

braisler · 03-24-2009, 09:13 AM

Talk with her about it, preferably when you are not in a sexual situation, but are otherwise comfortable. Figure out what she feels about it. Why does she feel like she 'shouldn't be using them'? Is it fear that she'll become numbed to regular old sex? Is it taboos against pleasuring yourself? Maybe understanding and discussing it will help her get past some things.

Hey, at least she is lucky that she has a guy who cares about her pleasure.

Acetylene · 03-24-2009, 10:15 AM

Try Trojan's disposable vibrating cock ring. It works slower than a handheld vibrator because it isn't in constant contact, and it doesn't disrupt the "main event" at all.

It may not help with the "shouldn't use them" problem, but then again, it might - you are still having sex, after all. Getting her to use it might be easier because it's disposable, and it's often easier to convince people to try something just once. Then, if she likes it, you can invest in a nicer one.

genuinegirly · 03-24-2009, 10:29 AM

Hmmmmmmmm.
Good to know she's your wife.
Good to know you already have toys at your disposal.

Are you communicating your feelings to her?
Along the lines of - dang, my penis will get sore if I play anymore! But I want you to orgasm. Can I use this dildo to help us out?
As you use the toy(s) are your eyes meeting with hers? Are you kissing her and telling her you love her? If the act with a dildo is similar enough to the act with your member, I should think she could be more comfortable.

Sherk · 03-24-2009, 04:10 PM

Well, I talked to her again this evening, and her main point is that she feels that the toys are not *me* creating the pleasure for her. She sort of feels like she's cheating on me, although she isn't.

We have a couple different views on sex, and how we approach it. There's the down and dirty, raw, animalistic stuff that sometimes, we just have to have each other. Usually those are just random, unplanned events, started by small stuff. During those times, she doesn't seem to have much of a problem with anything, and it's much easier for her to achieve an orgasm.

Then there's the couple-type stuff, lovemaking. Actually, thinking about it now, we don't have a lot of time during the day to spend together, so I think I'm finding some of the problems (right now, in my head). Our sex has become somewhat of a ritual, I guess you could say (end of the day, going to bed, etc). Maybe it's just the fact that she needs excitement and alteration of timeframes/locations (besides the bedroom I mean, not in public or anything). I needed to take a fresh perspective on the whole thing, as women and men have a vastly different mindset. Meaning, I wouldn't care what time and place it was, if I'm getting some, I'm getting some. I'll try and switch it up for her, maybe stuff can be better for her.

03-24-2009, 08:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sherk Upright	Orgasm ability/comfort with alternate methods... Ok guys, My wife and I have acquired some toys over the years of being together, however lately she doesn't ever want to use them. Now, while I feel great that she wants me, and not a toy... sometimes it's very hard to get her to orgasm. She has a lot of trouble staying focused (the living situation is difficult, and privacy can be an issue, even if we're in a locked room). I've tried oral sex, she's able to I'd say 50% of the time, the other half, she pulls me up for the "main event" after 30-45 mins. I've had a decent amount of experience in this arena, and most of the time could accomplish the deed - some girls however just don't seem as responsive as others... my wife being one of them. She says that she doesn't want to use toys because they either get her off too fast (I don't see this as a terrible problem, wait a while and do it again!), or she feels like she shouldn't be using them. Now, I have absolutely no problem (hell I'll use 'em on her!), I don't mind, as it's going to give her pleasure. I'm not going to be jealous of an inanimate object... it's not like it's another person. How do I get her to be more receptive to using toys?

03-24-2009, 09:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
braisler Addict Location: Midway, KY	Talk with her about it, preferably when you are not in a sexual situation, but are otherwise comfortable. Figure out what she feels about it. Why does she feel like she 'shouldn't be using them'? Is it fear that she'll become numbed to regular old sex? Is it taboos against pleasuring yourself? Maybe understanding and discussing it will help her get past some things. Hey, at least she is lucky that she has a guy who cares about her pleasure. __________________ --- You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. - Albert Einstein ---

03-24-2009, 10:15 AM	#3 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	Try Trojan's disposable vibrating cock ring. It works slower than a handheld vibrator because it isn't in constant contact, and it doesn't disrupt the "main event" at all. It may not help with the "shouldn't use them" problem, but then again, it might - you are still having sex, after all. Getting her to use it might be easier because it's disposable, and it's often easier to convince people to try something just once. Then, if she likes it, you can invest in a nicer one. __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.

03-24-2009, 10:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Hmmmmmmmm. Good to know she's your wife. Good to know you already have toys at your disposal. Are you communicating your feelings to her? Along the lines of - dang, my penis will get sore if I play anymore! But I want you to orgasm. Can I use this dildo to help us out? As you use the toy(s) are your eyes meeting with hers? Are you kissing her and telling her you love her? If the act with a dildo is similar enough to the act with your member, I should think she could be more comfortable. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

03-24-2009, 04:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
Sherk Upright	Well, I talked to her again this evening, and her main point is that she feels that the toys are not me creating the pleasure for her. She sort of feels like she's cheating on me, although she isn't. We have a couple different views on sex, and how we approach it. There's the down and dirty, raw, animalistic stuff that sometimes, we just have to have each other. Usually those are just random, unplanned events, started by small stuff. During those times, she doesn't seem to have much of a problem with anything, and it's much easier for her to achieve an orgasm. Then there's the couple-type stuff, lovemaking. Actually, thinking about it now, we don't have a lot of time during the day to spend together, so I think I'm finding some of the problems (right now, in my head). Our sex has become somewhat of a ritual, I guess you could say (end of the day, going to bed, etc). Maybe it's just the fact that she needs excitement and alteration of timeframes/locations (besides the bedroom I mean, not in public or anything). I needed to take a fresh perspective on the whole thing, as women and men have a vastly different mindset. Meaning, I wouldn't care what time and place it was, if I'm getting some, I'm getting some. I'll try and switch it up for her, maybe stuff can be better for her.