Quote:
Originally Posted by Xerxys
RogueGypsy:
Dude, when some things are done wrong, like cooking for example, you can simply throw out the burnt food, wash the dishes and start again. Simple eh? When it comes to people, and I have only just learned this ... self esteem can be built in years and broken within seconds. Not as simple as cooking.
OP, were not blaming you. But as will be the course of the thread, your now only next action is patience and communication. Do not pressure her, but let her know that you care and even though you love the person that she is already, you also want her to be her best self.
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Yeah, I get the 'self esteem' quagmire. But your cooking analogy IS how you fix it. You have to apologize and be forgiven (throw out the burnt food), discuss the issue (wash the dishes) and start over. It is that simple, maybe not as quick, but it is that simple.
Yes some people are a little broken and take more time to heal, usually due to pre-existing trust issues, others are over it in minutes. Either way, if they don't talk about it. The relationship has just died.
---------- Post added at 12:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:50 AM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by shakran
To be rather blunt, what the hell did you expect? You spend two years telling her in every way possible "you're fat, you're fat, you're fat" and now you're upset that she doesn't want you to see her body?
You have some serious relationship healing to do. Tell her that you've behaved like an idiot, because you have, and that you're dating her because of who she is, not how much water she displaces. And then prove what you say by demonstrating that.
And to those who don't think the OP deserves heat - Read his post again. He did not say "my girlfriend wants to lose weight and so I tried to help her and she got pissed." He said "My girlfriend gained weight and here's what I tried to do about it." Big, big difference. I reread the OP and do not see anywhere where the OP says the girlfriend has ever said anything about her weight at all - at least not until after he sat there for 24 months trying to make her slim down at which point her reaction was pretty natural.
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Wow, a little touchy in this area?
I read his post as: he tried to be kind and subtle. INVITING her to go on long walks, Not telling her 'you need to go walk your fat ass around the block'. He tried to eat healthier foods so she would too. When she didn't catch on to the subtle hints, he stepped it up a notch, obviously a bad move on his part. But as I stated in my first post. HE did not do this to her, she did it to herself. And if she were truly comfortable with the weight gain, she would have told him to go fuck himself. Not gotten all self conscious about it. So obviously she does want to loose weight and it is the lack of communication on both parts that has brought them to were they are now.
But to vilify a guy for trying to help a loved one, is beyond me. It could have been handled better on both sides with better communication. I have to give the OP a pat on the back for effort. Most lesser men would have just walked out and left the weight and underlying issues to the next relationship.