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Old 03-04-2009, 09:58 PM   #41 (permalink)
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First I want to thank you all. Since I posted, I think this thread has gone in a much more productive direction than "ditch this loser, drugs are bad". And I have to apologize, to my girlfriend. That post was an undeserved attack and too abrasive. But understand, this is part of a very long ongoing conversation.

See, my problem is I've heard it all before. I've heard all the stories. I've been to shrinks. They can't help me. I already know what my problem is, I hate working, and as I'm well aware, such is life. There is only one solution to that, and believe it or not I am actually trying to avoid it. I've been on SSRIs and Wellbutrin. Not only do they all have various bad side effects, they basically act by numbing you to life, and quite frankly, I'd rather be dead. Or at least on better drugs.

I have plenty of experience with hydrocodone, oxycodone, hydromorphone, and oxymorphone. I have yet to get addicted. I haven't taken any in over a month, and not for a month before that time. In fact, I didn't even say I intended to do it daily (I don't do or intend to do coke daily either). I just meant I wanted some and intended to take it when work gets especially stressful. Some people smoke weed for stress. I smoke my share of weed too but it doesn't work as a stress reliever for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dippin View Post
First of all, there is really no way to compare amounts of cocaine consumed with coca chewing. Cocaine content in leaves is around 1%, and bioavailability of cocaine through chewing is about 1/3, as opposed to over 60% from cocaine. So 50mg (assuming it is somewhere close to pure) is equal to chewing about 1 kilogram of leaves, which is order of magnitudes more than the usual.
Bro, you might want to check up on your math. Assuming 1% cocaine by mass and 33% vs. 60% bioavailability translates to 0.050g / (0.01*0.33/0.60)=9 GRAMS of leaves, not kilograms. So maybe I exaggerated a little bit, but there's a Big difference.

Quote:
Originally Posted by guccilvr View Post
It gives an opiate effect similar to heroin if you do it right. Which is why when you step out of doing them as prescribed (any opiate derivative) it's extremely hard to quit. The only thing you are doing is making yourself dependent on a drug and killing your liver from the APAP.
That's why God gave us the cold water and acid-base extractions. Besides, it's not like I was ever intending to pop 10 a day, more like 1.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous Member View Post
It doesn't matter how much you are doing, it matters *WHY* you are doing it. If you aren't getting high, then why are you doing it? Seriously why waste it and just wait until the weekend when you can snort up the whole gram? As far as any addict will tell you, that little bump you do, yeah that's getting high.
I already explained why I do it. Because it gives me an hour's worth of an energy boost and focus without a jittery crash like from caffeine. It helps me get through my day. And I can always buy more. It's not like I lack for the money. I just realize there are limits. That brings up the idea of maybe I can get a less stressful job with lower pay. Well maybe I will. But then I'll just be depressed over my wasted potential.

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You aren't doing it for enjoyment but because of escapism, to escape the pitiful life of pain you seem to feel you have.

You hate your life because you pay your own rent or bills? Is that really your answer? Because you've got a long period of hating life coming up for about the rest of your life, bills don't stop until you're dead. After you're dead they still keep coming until someone notifies the collector that you're dead and even then they'll still come.

You?re Dead? That Won?t Stop the Debt Collector - Companies * US * News * Story - CNBC.com
Tell me about it! This is precisely why I'm depressed. What are the shrinks going to do about it? Tell me I should be enjoying it? Put me on some weak antidepressants with horrible side effects? No thanks, I've been down that road.

Quote:
As a person who spent over many years doing exactly what you're talking about doing and rationalizing it exactly like you're doing, maybe you should read what you're actually writing.

I hated life. I couldn't wait to die. Today, I still feel some of that, but not with the same vigor and anguish. There are parts of my life that I hate, they suck. It's not much different than anyone else's part of life. I work at it every day to make sure that I hate it less than I love it. It has taken me long years of working on it every single mother fucking day to beat that feeling down into something that is manageable so that I no longer think about stepping off the sidewalk to allow the large vehicle passing by to squash whatever life I have out of my shell. I work on it on a daily basis. You should too.
I do! I work 40+ hours a week. I pay all my bills on time. I have perfect credit and very little debt. All I'm saying is I don't think it's such a horrible sin to have a few chemical helpers along the way and I'm tired of being judged and criticized before the fact.
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