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I can tell you stories of how it affects someone.... cause I've been down that road, and only this year did I come to terms with it and actually realize it.. really was abuse.
I've only had two serious relationships and sexual partners in my life time (I'm only 19 mind you) and my last one was abusive to me verbally and sexually, I won't go into too much detail, but it does affect someone greatfully. I was a girl who LOVED to pleasure her men and loved sex in general, I'm a very loving person and I treat my boyfriends with alot of love and respect, the last one I would cook and bake, make things for him (I draw, make kandi bracelets, etc), I would make all the time in the world for him, push my friends and studies away when he needed me, I'd buy him little things (one of those little things being a 80gb Ipod in a matter of a couple months), and he used all that, and I found out all he really cared about was sex, and would go so far as to rape...
After everything happened, which mind you it all ended around the middle of December of last year, I've now become very paranoid and anxious, I don't enjoy sex like I use to, infact I'm scared of it and I feel many time of the day that I'm just meant to be used for sexual pleasure and nothing more. Love just isn't the same for me at the moment, and it'll be a long process before things get better. I'm very good at hiding it, and the scary thing about it is I can talk about it casually (if brought up) like nothing is bothering or possibly that I'm bullshitting, I dunno why... I guess it's kinda like a defense mechism.
It affects a relationship I think because it's hard to trust someone fully after that, and it's hard not to feel like a burden or a piece of meat, I KNOW I'm not, but it's hard to think otherwise sometimes. Plus certain things can bring up the memories, and make it even harder to move on or be in a stable relationship. The best thing I can say it, just be there for her, and take it slow with your partners, don't press pass the comfort zone, if she doesn't want it or is upset, just understand why and be there for her. Most of the time all they want I think (I do) is someone they can trust and who will make them smile and laugh, make them feel like it's ok to open themselves again and not worry about being abused or left for dead.
Depressing post, sorry D:
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