Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - damage from sexually abusive relationships

Deltona Couple · 02-25-2009, 08:31 AM

Having an SO who has suffered ANY kind of abuse, sexual or not is a difficult hill to climb. I have had relationships as well where my GF was abused in one way or another, and it can drastically affect how your relationship develops. From arguments to total flip-outs, you have a lifetime of having to watch every step you take. The best thing for ANYONE who has been a victim is to come forth and tell someone, ANYONE and try to get some help. I have lost track of how many women I have know that just live with an abuser because they either think it is THEIR fault, or that things will change, or the WORST case, the woman thinks she deserves it. Personally I have told many guys who have dated my friends that if I EVER hear of them being abusive, they better move out of the state, cause I am going to hunt them down. I have no sympathy for abusers.

That being said, I again stress that abused people need to reach out to ANYONE so that they can get the help that is needed.

As far as the OP, I feel for your friend, I really do. They need to understand that at times she is going to react based on instinct, rather than thought, so keep that in mind. Also make sure that in a relationship like this you communicate with her. Keeping lines of communication open is ESPECIALLY needed in a situation like this. She needs to know that you won't treat her like "that other guy." But also understand that at times, she might be in a rut where she won't believe you. Many abused victims feel that no matter WHAT they do, the next SO they get will be an abuser too. Make sure that you are there for her when she needs you, and have an honest relationship with her.

Many people think that a relationship involving an abused person is doomed, but it is not true. I have been with my wife now for 11 years+ and because we talk to each other about EVERYTHING, we have made it work. Yes there are even times today where we have been doing something and she gets this look, and I know that a memory flashed into her head. So we change things up, communicate (even at times non-verbally) and go on from there.

Good luck to your friend's SO. I hope she gets the help she needs and that they can grow and thrive in the future.

02-25-2009, 08:31 AM	#6 (permalink)
Deltona Couple Addict Location: Spring, Texas	Having an SO who has suffered ANY kind of abuse, sexual or not is a difficult hill to climb. I have had relationships as well where my GF was abused in one way or another, and it can drastically affect how your relationship develops. From arguments to total flip-outs, you have a lifetime of having to watch every step you take. The best thing for ANYONE who has been a victim is to come forth and tell someone, ANYONE and try to get some help. I have lost track of how many women I have know that just live with an abuser because they either think it is THEIR fault, or that things will change, or the WORST case, the woman thinks she deserves it. Personally I have told many guys who have dated my friends that if I EVER hear of them being abusive, they better move out of the state, cause I am going to hunt them down. I have no sympathy for abusers. That being said, I again stress that abused people need to reach out to ANYONE so that they can get the help that is needed. As far as the OP, I feel for your friend, I really do. They need to understand that at times she is going to react based on instinct, rather than thought, so keep that in mind. Also make sure that in a relationship like this you communicate with her. Keeping lines of communication open is ESPECIALLY needed in a situation like this. She needs to know that you won't treat her like "that other guy." But also understand that at times, she might be in a rut where she won't believe you. Many abused victims feel that no matter WHAT they do, the next SO they get will be an abuser too. Make sure that you are there for her when she needs you, and have an honest relationship with her. Many people think that a relationship involving an abused person is doomed, but it is not true. I have been with my wife now for 11 years+ and because we talk to each other about EVERYTHING, we have made it work. Yes there are even times today where we have been doing something and she gets this look, and I know that a memory flashed into her head. So we change things up, communicate (even at times non-verbally) and go on from there. Good luck to your friend's SO. I hope she gets the help she needs and that they can grow and thrive in the future. __________________ "It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison