Wear a little lone ranger bandit mask and spiderman underoos. Run around the room spanking yourself and then make her suck your weenus while you yodel a tune. Finally, clamp vices on your nipples and attach a heavy weight to your scrotum and have her beat you with a Commodore Vic20 while you cower in shame. This has really worked for a lot of friends of mine.
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I hold with those that favor fire.
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