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I think you should start, if you already haven't, by asking them what their plans are to achieve financial freedom. I wouldn't worry too much about the $$$ just yet - if they just hit rock bottom are in shock and the normal stuff, I probably wouldn't give them too much shit at first. I'd do it more in the way of offering to help them get a grip on their finances and their lifestyles - make it sort of a collaborative project because you love them and all that jazz. In this way, you can probably kill two birds with one stone, as they say. Get them to start budgeting and making a plan to spend their money wisely, repay y'all and hopefully get back on their feet...and avoid the sort of nasty confrontations and ego shots that can cause damaged relationships for years to come. At the end of the day - they are your family and 20-30+ years of old simmering anger, embarrassment, and resentment can be real bitches. If they are directly and seriously impacting your finances, then you need to have the old "We don't want to piss down your back, but we can't sustain this situation, so we've got to develop a plan..." Bring out some numbers, show them what you can and can't do, and usually people can (should be able to) deal reasonably. Make it less personal, more pragmatic business. Don't criticize, but suggest better alternatives.
If that doesn't work, then it's off to tough love camp. But I wouldn't start there.
However, I think you definitely have a right to have some say in how they spend their money, seeing as you are providing them with shelter at the least...and maybe food and clothing too.
Depending on the age of the daughter, I'd do my best to shield her from this situation.
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