Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Life


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-09-2009, 11:05 AM   #1 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
Push-Pull's Avatar
 
Location: Firmly in the middle....
Houseguests...How much say do we have?

OK, quick summarization. Wife's daughter, her husband and daughter are staying with us for an indefinite period until they can get on their feet. Biggest hurdle is both the adults are on disability, and have limited income. They've not used the one check they received while with us very wisely, and are now pawning some stuff to make it until the next check. Problem is, they haven't offered us much in the way of compensation of the money the owe us ($800) and with the stuff being pawned, I'm afraid that we won't see any money from this next check either.

So now I pose the question. Given the situation, what would the limitations be on how much say my wife and I have on the way they handle money? I mean, with them under our roof, it sure feels like we shouldn't have many restrictions. My wife and I have agreed to discuss the situation and come forward with a united front, so we won't be going into this blindly disagreeing with one another. Opinions?
__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-
Push-Pull is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 11:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
Knight of the Old Republic
 
Lasereth's Avatar
 
Location: Winston-Salem, NC
If they owe you money and you know them personally AND you're letting them stay in your house, they should be buying CHEAP food ($1 cans of food), buying ZERO entertainment, nothing but absolute necessities until you're paid off. Anything else is a slap in the face. If they are just getting by and not wasting any money, fine. But if they are using any of the money they receive for entertainment or being wasteful in any manner than you have every right to tell them to get the fuck out or pay up.
__________________
"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

Last edited by Lasereth; 01-09-2009 at 11:12 AM..
Lasereth is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 12:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
highthief's Avatar
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
It depends on what you agreed on in the first place when they came to stay. If there was a defined "you pay us X-amount each week or month in order to stay here" or some other arrangement in place and they aren't living up to that, then say what you will.

If you just said "hey, come stay with us" and made no financial or other arrangements, well, more fool you, I guess.
__________________
Si vis pacem parabellum.
highthief is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 02:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
Alien Anthropologist
 
hunnychile's Avatar
 
Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana
When I graduated from college & returned home to live - until I found a good job, my parents expected me to chip in on groceries to cover my part of "rent, i.e. house payment". Now, all the parents I know - would NEVER think to even ask their kids to "help out" and I find that so very sad. Those kids seem to think the world owes them everything, which makes for some pretty narrow-minded lazy kids. (You know this is true)...If you don't have a job, at least use some of your unemployment money to help pay for groceries esp. at your folks. Or do a project they need done like painting some rooms or fixing their garage door or planting a garden. Whatever!

Unless, of course, the folks are millionaires, in which case, you should be embarressed to live on their "dime" anyhow and think you're special like Paris Hilton ...Ha! No talent what so ever, but - wow she can spend that trust fund!
__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB
hunnychile is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 02:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
pig
pigglet pigglet
 
pig's Avatar
 
Location: Locash
I think you should start, if you already haven't, by asking them what their plans are to achieve financial freedom. I wouldn't worry too much about the $$$ just yet - if they just hit rock bottom are in shock and the normal stuff, I probably wouldn't give them too much shit at first. I'd do it more in the way of offering to help them get a grip on their finances and their lifestyles - make it sort of a collaborative project because you love them and all that jazz. In this way, you can probably kill two birds with one stone, as they say. Get them to start budgeting and making a plan to spend their money wisely, repay y'all and hopefully get back on their feet...and avoid the sort of nasty confrontations and ego shots that can cause damaged relationships for years to come. At the end of the day - they are your family and 20-30+ years of old simmering anger, embarrassment, and resentment can be real bitches. If they are directly and seriously impacting your finances, then you need to have the old "We don't want to piss down your back, but we can't sustain this situation, so we've got to develop a plan..." Bring out some numbers, show them what you can and can't do, and usually people can (should be able to) deal reasonably. Make it less personal, more pragmatic business. Don't criticize, but suggest better alternatives.

If that doesn't work, then it's off to tough love camp. But I wouldn't start there.

However, I think you definitely have a right to have some say in how they spend their money, seeing as you are providing them with shelter at the least...and maybe food and clothing too.

Depending on the age of the daughter, I'd do my best to shield her from this situation.
__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style
pig is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 02:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
 
Daniel_'s Avatar
 
Location: Southern England
When I moved back from college briefly to my parents place for a few months my mother made it very clear: I could work, and she'd let me stay for free, and if I claimed benefits, she'd bill me full market rate for a room and board in our town.
__________________
╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine

╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝
Daniel_ is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 06:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
Currently sour but formerly Dlishs
 
dlish's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Australia/UAE
if it becomes a burden on you, it changes the status quo and you need to let them know that.

i'd also worry about your own personal things being pawned. thats reality for you.
__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy
dlish is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 07:56 PM   #8 (permalink)
peekaboo
 
ngdawg's Avatar
 
Location: on the back, bitch
I think Pig came closest to what I was thinking. Offer to go over what they have, where they're going, etc. Don't accuse, don't get flustered or angry.
I'm sure they don't like the situation much either.
Are the disabilities permanent? Can they work at all?
By offering to sit with them and go over how best to manage their limited finances, you come off looking more like a friend and less like an ogre.
__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.
ngdawg is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 08:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
I think the most important thing is to have rules and boundaries, and everything (esp between you and your wife) understood up front. One would hope that they understand that staying with you is a huge imposition to begin with, and do the best they can to avoid being any more of a burden then absolutely necessary. But one would be an idealist.
robot_parade is offline  
Old 01-09-2009, 08:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: My head.
I definately agree with pig and Lasereth though not so much in Lasereth's words.... I mean, don't be unkind. You will be surprised how much people can make the same mistake over and over again. Just tell them you have to get a plan to get them free of being guests and into their own home for one reason and one reason only, THEY ARE ADULTS!!

They will soon come to realize, despite how much crap you cvan take from them, that they dont like living with their parents. Also, don't worry about the cash until they are somewhat semi-settled then hound them until they can't breath. As long as your supportive, this will end well for the both of you and faster than you think.

|||THREADJACK let's not pick on Paris......
/Threadjack.

Last edited by Xerxys; 01-10-2009 at 12:25 AM.. Reason: Removed asshole comment...
Xerxys is offline  
Old 01-10-2009, 12:03 AM   #11 (permalink)
Currently sour but formerly Dlishs
 
dlish's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Australia/UAE
Xerxys, from your convictious comments, i'm assuming that you're a blood relative of Paris? why else would you be so upset?

there's much nicer ways to disagree with others. lets keep this civil.
__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy
dlish is offline  
Old 01-18-2009, 09:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
Eat your vegetables
 
genuinegirly's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
Feel free to "change the rules" on them.
Your house. Your rules. Your way.

Just be aware that they may find other living arrangements if they ever disagree with your methods. Given the situation, this may not be a bad thing.
__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
genuinegirly is offline  
Old 01-27-2009, 01:46 PM   #13 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
You're never going to see the money they owe you and you're going to end up kicking them out in a few months when you can't put up with them mooching anymore.
MSD is offline  
Old 01-27-2009, 02:00 PM   #14 (permalink)
Who You Crappin?
 
Derwood's Avatar
 
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
how much are they spending on cigarettes?
Derwood is offline  
Old 01-28-2009, 01:23 AM   #15 (permalink)
Shade
 
Nisses's Avatar
 
Location: Belgium
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSD View Post
You're never going to see the money they owe you and you're going to end up kicking them out in a few months when you can't put up with them mooching anymore.
Bears repeating, because this is what will happen.

And I hope that the united front of you and your wife holds up at that point.
__________________
Moderation should be moderately moderated.
Nisses is offline  
Old 02-05-2009, 08:46 AM   #16 (permalink)
Addict
 
braisler's Avatar
 
Location: Midway, KY
Our fair motorcycle maiden, ngdawg, has sound advice again. A kinder, gentler approach is likely to be the best way to get their attention. The only thing that I would add is to start this dialogue with them absolutely as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more likely it is that things will go from bad to worse and when they become intolerable, it is much more likely that tempers will flair. You'll be speaking, or shouting, from an emotionally fraught position, rather than the calm, collected approach that might actually get them to pay attention and make some constructive changes.

Also as someone else mentioned, if they are smokers or drinkers, those are two very expensive habits that they can cut out right the hell now.
braisler is offline  
Old 02-05-2009, 11:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
Upright
 
Altavoz's Avatar
 
So they've only been with you for how long? If they've only received one check, it sounds like they've been with you for between two weeks and a month.. that's not a long time to get back on your feet! When I moved out from my parents' house, my boyfriend paid my rent and bills for months before I was able to finally get enough saved up to pay him back and stand up on my own.

I would just say be aware that it may take them a while to get moving again. You've done a very kind thing by opening up your hospitality to them. If they're not being too much of a burden on you financially, I'd say to think of it as karma, or doing a good deed for someone, because they'd do the same for you.

If they WOULDN'T do the same for you, or if they continue being spendthrifts with their money or being obnoxious houseguests, you are completely in the right to ask them for your money back and suggest they find somewhere else to stay. You're being gracious by allowing them some time to get things together, they should be equally as gracious.

Since they spent their money ridiculously the first time, you should set up a payment system, like any debtor would. Make them make the payments every month or you may just have to cut your losses and kick them out.

Last edited by Altavoz; 02-05-2009 at 11:56 PM..
Altavoz is offline  
 

Tags
houseguestshow

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:49 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360