Hey all, I don't post here much but I always keep this place in mind. I don't know whether this should be in Life or Sexuality. I apologize for the length of this post in advance.
For those who don't remember my previous, old thread, I was the 23 year old virgin that had a hard time talking to women; actually, I have a harder time meeting women as I live in a small town, unentertaining town and don't like the bar/club scene. I'm not an asshole, and I'm a genuine nice and caring guy that has been looking for a woman that is also caring and loving. I find myself to be unattractive, and not because I'm only 5'5 tall - which used to be a big issue with me - but maybe because I look boyish (EVERYONE says I look 16). Those also lead me to being extremely shy.
Anyhow, nothing has changed since I last came here, except that I'm a 24 year old virgin and that the girl I made a thread about turned me down after I finally had the guts to ask her out in the beginning of the year. I'm over her though, and it was a good experience.
Okay, this might sound a little weird to a lot of you, as most of you seem like normal people and make a lot of sexy time, like normal people do. The main reason why I'm here is that a few months ago, a random girl from myspace befriended me (which is rare), and within that timeline, we went from telling each other "Your awesome to talk to, to "I like you", to now telling each other "I love you." I don't know what love is, never had a female love me, don't know what it's like, so I don't know if I love her, but for her to say it to me, since she's had boyfriends, that seems kinda weird.
Here's the catch; she lives 2000 miles away. It's not like, "Just drive the whatever town she lives in and meet her." Here's the other catch, their family plans to move here, and they vacation here a few times a year, so she was going to befriend people that lived here, to know someone. Turns out that I was the first person she befriended on myspace that lives in my town, and she liked me so much that she didn't send any friend requests to anyone else here. She also really, really digs and think it's amazing that I've never had sex, never had a girlfriend, and have never even kissed a girl, and thinks that's impossible (and she thinks I'm cute o_O...). I've always thought all those things were bad things, being inexperienced being bad, and never doing any of those seems kind of "loserish". It's still hard to imagine that she appreciates all of that, especially since she's somewhat experienced herself, like a normal girl her age (20).
So anyways, she was supposed to move here in October, then November, but things came up. Now she is going to take a semester of school over there, so that's another at least, oh 6 months. But, they may be visiting here in late Jan., and she really wants to meet me. I'm nervous, as I think that maybe my myspace put me in a better looking light and that she may find me unattractive in person, like all other women do.
Concern:
I'm not sure what to do. I signed up for eHarmony in the meantime, but not as a serious thing, as I didn't put any pictures up, just wanted to preview the site. I'm just not sure if I should put pictures up and actually try to find someone that may be interested, and try the dating thing. I'm not sure about doing it because I really, really like this girl. We text each other every day, and occasionally she'll call me on the phone, so it's not like she's fake. She's a really, really sweet and caring girl. I don't believe in "the one" anymore, but I can say that that she's the type of girl I've been waiting for; not everything is perfect about her, but that's what makes it even better, is cause she's still human. I just don't know how long I can wait for, as I'm extremely depressed in that I'm this old and never have had a g/f, it's really killing my heart. But she appreciates my past so much, that I would love to be able to make her my first. But then again, we both aren't crazy and thinking it's a fairy tale and we are boyfriend and girlfriend or anything; she's said to me that if I met another girl in the meantime, she understands that I want to have a first girlfriend and would want me to do it just so I can be happy, even if it makes her sad. That really made me a happy-sad when she told me that because she sounds like she really cares about me...
Sidenote Concern (Strip Club):
Okay, so my friend who lives out of state is coming to where I used to live, a few hours, and I'm going to hang with him Saturday. We've been planning to go to a strip club even before I met the myspace girl; I've never thought I'd see the day where I'd go to the strip club, but I'm 24 and have only seen one breast in my life, and that was actually two weeks ago...
. This is a fully nude strip club, so it'll be more than just viewing breasts, it'll be viewing everything, and touching above the waist is allowed, so I'll finally get to feel boobs. My concern is, I dunno whether I should tell the myspace girl that I'm going to a strip club, tell her after I go to a strip club that I went to a strip club, or not tell her at all. I feel like, it might not be right to even do because like, people do regretful things in their past, but then they find someone and that stuff is all in the past. Thing is, if I go to the strip club, it's not in the past, because I did it while I love this girl. I feel like if I go and not tell her, I'd have to hide the fact that I'd never touched a breast, never saw a vagina in person, etc. I dunno what's right to do...
Anyways, thanks for reading. I have no clue what I'm asking, but any advice is very welcome!!!