I can't really offer answers, of course. But this is what I believe:
I think that our existence is defined by the junction point of three forces: a divine plan ("destiny," if you will, but since I believe in God, I prefer the term "divine plan"), the randomness/chaos which is an integral component of the physical universe, and human free will. I believe that all existence is a complex and ceaseless series of subtle balances and rebalances of these three forces interacting.
I believe that the divine plan is much looser than some would have us believe (e.g., I believe God intended that the physical universe evolve sentient, reasoning beings capable of being dialogue partners with Him; that it turned out on this planet that the beings in question are hominids, or even mammals at all, is entirely unimportant. I think God would be just as satisfied if evolution had favored, say, dinosaurs, and this response was being written by a Velociraptor Europaensis Sapiens rabbinical student), but it does exist. If God has a part for you to play, you'll end up playing it. But because of your free will, you won't play that part until you choose to do it: tomorrow, decades from now, or maybe in another lifetime. But sooner or later, you will. We all will. Likewise, God may have designed the universe to favor certain kinds of instances coming up, in order for people to deal with them. In other words, some things may happen for a reason. But some things don't.
I think chaos/randomness plays a big part: I believe in evolution, and I believe in "ill chance," and I believe in natural disasters that are just nature. God/destiny is not directly responsible for every action in the universe. And a lot of what happens in our lives is the result of human free will. I don't think genocides or wars or rape campaigns are just destiny/God at work, any more than destiny/God gets the credit for Einstein figuring out relativity or Martin Luther King choosing nonviolent resistance, or Salk and company coming up with the vaccine for polio. Humans decide what they are going to do to one another, or for one another, because that's how I believe God designed them: independent, thinking, reasoning beings, capable of directing their own lives.
Free will is kind of the wild card. God has plans, but wants independent beings other than Himself. The universe is chaotic, but we tend to desire order (although what we consider to be "order" can vary pretty widely). We have many of the best qualities of our Creator within us, but also some of the worst. We often do not do what is good for ourselves or for others. But sometimes we are spectacularly selfless and giving.
Why do things happen the way they do? Depends.
I recognize that the above cannot be scientifically validated. It is a metaphysical philosophy, not a laboratory experiment. I don't require everyone to believe it, or even anyone else but me. But it makes sense to me. And if it helps you make sense out of things...so much the better.
__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.
(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)
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