Hey,
I've totally been there man. And it sucks. YOu think they're awesome, and they tell you how much they like you, but never actually commit to anything. I finally figured out that in the end, she had serious control issues and that I needed to get away cold turkey.
What she seems to be doing in your situation is looking to be the one doing the dumping (hence the one in control). She puts out the bait, and gives you enough hope that something might happen and then yanks the rug out. The problem is that if she really truly cared for you (and I'm sorry if this is harsh) she would have more respect and consideration for your feelings. The worst part of it of course, is that you're a nice guy and you can tell she's damaged and not truly a bad person. However, if her behaviours are hurting you, and you've asked her to stop flirting with you and she continues to do so, then she is clearly ignoring your boundaries, not treating you as a full and equal human being, and you need to get away from her. Pronto. Ask yourself, do you love her, or what she could be? Cuz the woman she is is treating poorly. Grieve the loss of what could have been and move on and find someone who will value ALL of you.
Expect lots of guilt from her about this, as guilt and shame are excellent methods of controlling "nice guys". Don't let it hook you back in. You have EVERY right to be happy and be treated with empathy and consideration.
Good luck.
