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just finished talking with the "ex"...and what an eye opening conversation... a whole lot of "you act like your 16, i can't stand to talk to you anymore, can't you be more professional, i wish i had have ended this when i wanted to (3 months ago apparently...but of course i guilt tripped her into staying...*cough* *cough* BULLSHIT!) and blah, blah, blah..."
all i had to say to her was if tearing me down made her feel better then she was on the right track. i told her i still have feelings for her and they wouldn't change, but that hearing her say those things i'd definitely try to push them a lot deeper down than i was hoping too...
we talked and i tried to explain that i might be handling this poorly in her eyes and that i wasn't overly impressed with myself either, but it is the way i'm dealing with it and i am having a hard time doing it any other way (get all weird when i see her at work, wanna talk to her but can't without breaking down, etc...) and i also told her, that i'm at the point that i don't really care what she thinks about how she sees my "dealing strategy" cause if i try to take that into account, i'll be in the funny farm!!!
so for today... *$%^ her! she's up there on her pedestal judging me and i'm not in any state to defend it, so if she doesn't like it she can $%^& herself!
at the end of our conversation, she apologized for saying things and being too harsh and lashing out with things she didn't mean to say, but i believe that a lot of things said in anger are true feelings that are just looking for a place to come out...so i'm putting them in my back pocket to help me get over her and through this mess...
(another venting brought to you by the #$%^ed up situation my life has turned into!! thanks for having a forum to let it out!)
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