Stark? I dunno. But brutally honest. Anyone else would be totally insane if you were me for a day.
I thrive on spontaneity and changing the plan. I have to drive down the dirt road you always pass but never take because you don't know where it leads. I need to take risks, not physical ones but logistical and mental risks. (I won't even tell you about relationships I've ended, moves I've made and jobs I've quit for some unapparent reasons.) This need to push myself, test myself is so great that if often overtakes common sense. The only break I get from this is immediately after some ruthlessly impetuous sex.
But I'm extremely sensitive, loving and loyal to those I love and work for/with. My kids adore me because they think my impetuousness makes me act like a 10-year old at times and makes it easier for me to relate to them.
Moments of depression do attempt to shoot me down, but I've developed this strange inner strength that allows me to pull myself up and prevent the depression from attaching itself. Writing used to be my outlet, and it's hard to imagine that now being that the words no longer flow from my fingertips in a creative, beautiful way that makes sense. My brain has not been functioning at full power for some time now and I live with the fear that it may fail me completely at any given moment.
I'm highly motivated (except this job hunt has me down a bit), high energy and sometimes find myself bouncing off walls. I try to cool down by playing with the computer and hangin' at TFP, but if I sit too long I just get lazy, sleepy and unmotivated. I love to coach and spread my happiness to those that try to touch me with their negativity. I feel as though it's part of my
gift and a way I can inject sunshine into the thick skin of one who resists. It's something I receive great joy from.
I worry if I'm teaching my girls the appropriate balance between becoming independent and strong yet patient and kind.
Most times I totally love being me. Other times, I just want to cry and sleep. Still, I don't think if I'd trade anyone's life for mine. At least I live with passion.
(Isn't passion just another word for insanity?)