Reading responses in Halx's
Fairy Tale thread got me thinking ...
I've often thought about what it is that steers us towards a relationship, where we are in our lives when we enter that relationship and how that timing impacts the whole scenario. After my first marriage, I felt that (1) I had to find another man. It may have been merely because I'd adjusted to the two-income household and a warm body in my bed when I woke up. Anyway, I dated for several months as often as possible and although I looked everywhere and let friends set me up, not one guy I'd met was anywhere near my standards. Another factor, (2) were my standards higher at that time because I had just left a failed relationship and was looking too hard for imperfections so that I could rule out possible poor partners?
Anyway, I gave up on the search after some months. I was tired of these guys that talked only about themselves, so I decided to forget about me and focus solely on my daughter. I do recall someone feeding me the classic (3)"stop looking and you'll find him". I wasn't looking and some time later, I met hubby #2 when he came knocking on my door at an apartment I was renting to install the alarm.
When I left him 14 years later, I wasn't in the market for a man. I had BoB, the man without a brain.
My current male friend was a co-worker that I saw in passing nearly every day. We slowly became friends and even when he first asked me out platonically, I was shocked because I'd never been asked out by a man who didn't have an ulterior motive. But it wasn't until I went on that date with him that I realized there was so much more to him. We fell fast and we fell hard. I'm wondering if it was because we'd both been through so much and connected on a level we'd both never connected on before. The interesting thing, though, is that we've both seen pictures of one another throughout our lives and both admit that we probably would not have been attracted to each other if we'd met ten years ago. Hmm. And (4) he doesn't fit my Prince Charming template, he's not the bland nice guy.
I recall a similar conversation with my 2nd ex. He was not what I would have called my
type, but after the first marriage failed with the guy who looked and acted like my Prince Charming, I went for the complete opposite. He was the
nice guy.
The current relationship? We've got it all. Romantic, loving, beautiful, sensual and very tumultuous at times. Fairy tale? Nah. Will it last forever? I don't know. Known him now nearly six years, been together (minus a 6-month breakup, long story) four years, the past few months long distance. It ain't easy, but if it lasts forever, great. We're old and I did promise to change his diapers. But if not, I will never be sorry I loved him.
Which brings me to my question to you guys. How did you meet your SO? Do you think that the circumstances made a difference? Do you think your previous significant relationships had a hand in your susceptibility to the next one? Is my theory whacked? Do you have any theories of your own?
The bracketed numbers are just my attempt to capture what I personally believe to be the factors that allow the timing to have the influence that it does on a relationship. Just my little theory and I'd like to see if there's any credence to it.