vanblah

The discussions about sex should be taking place gradually as your child ages and begins to question it. Age appropriate answers are the key to it. If you are honest about it the child will continue to ask you questions; and at some point he or she will ask a question that will indicate that it's time for a larger discussion.

For instance at 5-years-old my daughter asked, "Where do babies come from?" The answer we gave her has placated her for two years now: babies come from mothers. She didn't ask "why" or "how"; and quite frankly if we had gone much further than that she would have been confused. She is only just now beginning to ask leading questions about "how." She's still not sure about the "why" and to her the concept of kissing a boy is gross (although it certainly is not a pre-requisite that a male and female actually kiss for pregnancy to occur; but that is a discussion for much later).

She has been aware of the "difference" between boys and girls for a long time. She's even aware of a double-standard at school. Girls in skirts are not allowed on the slide, the jungle-gym and any other piece of playground equipment that might expose underwear. I find this appalling; but I understand it. From my point of view skirts are impractical anyway (although I think they are comfortable).

With regard to teaching sex education in first-grade ... I agree with one big caveat: as long as it is in context. Children are exposed to sexual imagery almost everywhere. My daughter loves Hannah Montana (please don't judge me). The Hannah Montana show is GEARED for kids her age ... and yet the characters are constantly spouting innuendo after innuendo; even some of the plot is about relationships that a 7-year-old has a hard time understanding. Although it's fairly benign (otherwise we wouldn't let her watch it) she still has questions about it: "Why is Hannah Montana so upset about that boy?" There is no option but to teach our kids about sex and relationships at a younger age.

We teach our daughters (and some people may teach their sons; although probably not as much) that if a person touches their "private area" to tell an adult. We don't say "why", and if they ask we tell them it is wrong for an adult to touch a child in such a way. We are already setting up a sort of mysterious aura about sexuality and the part of the body responsible for it. So, rather than make it traumatic we should really be explaining it as much as is appropriate.

Do I not like to think of my daughter as a sexual being? Well, it certainly is not something I really think about ... but she is. I've already witnessed her touching herself a couple of years ago. I apologized and walked out of her room. Talk about uncomfortable. We have since had a talk about when it is appropriate and hopefully she understands. I haven't witnessed her doing it on the couch anymore.

Do I think she'll "try stuff" at an earlier age if we talk about it? Studies show the EXACT opposite. The more a child knows the more likely they are to wait.

So, really, only you can determine what is appropriate for your child. There are no strict rules for child-rearing. Anyone who says, "I will teach my child this at 10, and this at 12, and this at 14" is deluding themselves. They may need education earlier or later depending on the child's ability to understand. If you talk about sex at too early of an age the child will be confused ... if it's too late ... well, at best it may not be "too late" or you may end up having to re-teach bad education and at worst you'll have to deal with pregnancy, STD, traumatic experiences etc.