Quote:
Originally Posted by Jozrael
And honestly I think I just need to be less lazy  . ... In life I tend to take the path of least resistance and do what's most immediately satisfying. I've been working on this character flaw, but it's rather stubborn  |
Well, this is very honest, and that's the best place to begin. Have you told her that you know this about yourself, and that you're working on it? That's a very endearing thing to say to someone, if you ask me, and it will help her to be more patient with you.
Ktsp and I are going on 5 years together now, almost 2 years married, and I really think that things just keep getting better. We go through phases--everyone does--but overall, we try to be very intentional with our relationship and the things that make each other smile, basically. There will just be little tiny things he does that just make my day, like when he's on his way home from work and stops at the bakery and gets a chocolate truffle (just one--that's all I need!) to surprise me. Or when I finished a big paper earlier this year, he brought me an amethyst stone that he got at a rock shop, polished into a heart, which is small but just such a nice gesture.
We'll give each other backrubs often, or wash each other in the shower, or just have a bottle of wine and sit back and enjoy a movie at home, and then talk about it for a long time afterwards, with candles burning and things feeling cozy (and yes, lots of sex, btw!).
To me, this all feels "comfortable" but also "intentional," not necessarily "intense," as you say. We know that every relationship HAS to be maintained, just like other systems... gardens, cars, our bodies, what have you... nothing survives on fumes for very long, even the best relationship. You gotta feed it. Regularly. And LIKE doing it.
Motivation? Well, your alternative is basically that your relationship WILL get rusty and break down, sometimes beyond repair. That's what happens when people get lazy about maintenance, with anything. Imagine how it will be once you have kids, and have been together for 20 or 30 years... and yeah, you had better still have a system of spicing up the romance and making things "sparkly," even then. Best to figure out a system now, while things are still really quite new... 2.5 years is just gettin' started!!