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How it started
At age 13 I attained my first dose of wisdom. I defined goals and values. The drove me. I always had a five year plan and mostly hit targets with minimum slips.
At 25 I reached the first life-exit point. That is if I die now there is no regret, loss or damage to others.
How it took turn
Due to change in my ideology, beleifs and perception the goals I set when I was 13 got invalidated.
Due to some life-time decisions I made I lost some values. My personality degenerated and lost few more values. Those are my own personal values, no one told me they are important. It is all self constructed.
How it remains
Some goals still remain as dreams. A eco-freindly self-contained farm house. A PhD. Teaching at College. They are no longer goals. I look at them as dreams. So I really dont do anything to get there.
I had lost the heroism I had for myself. So now all I do is just my work and give company to my wife. (I have a great job and a great wife thou). But it would be lovely to be what I originally was (after 13).
So what drives me now is the recognition/credibility/money at work and love for my wife
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