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I need 3 things: a carrot dangling in front of me, in the form of praise and attention from my superiors... fear of other people perceiving me as not working hard enough... and deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. I am useless without at least one of these. Two of them generally keep lazy inertia at bay. And I am extremely productive and motivated when I have all three.
I have been functioning for the last 18 months with none of the above, and it has severely impacted my productivity and work ethic on my PhD project. I suppose it might all boil down to fear as my motivation for work, and desire for praise. Yeah, it's simplistic, but I'm more wired to be a worker bee than to be an independent innovator. This is why PhD's suck for people like me.
I have since decided that a PhD is a reward for simply being able to produce something without having these 3 essential elements that people take for granted in regular workplaces. That's all it is--it has nothing to do with intelligence or significant research or anything else. And since I have recognized this fact, I have been able to focus more on my work and actually get something done. Maybe I need cynicism in order to be productive, too... or at least, constantly reality checks and less navel-gazing, which is my inclination.
Get realistic about your goals. You know that you can't get into grad school without those internships. You can't get those internships without applying for them. So get your ass into applying for them. Fill out one application a day. Set a daily goal, like that. That's the only thing that gets me through to the final goal.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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