Baraka_Guru

I'm addicted to the Internet. It sounds lame, I know, but it's true. I think it sits in for the various other addictions I could possibly have as coping mechanisms to some things I've experienced in the past.

My father's a (more or less) recovered alcoholic, and my sister is currently on a methadone program. My two brothers have both struggled with alcoholism, but seem to be keeping it under control.

My family has struggled with these on top of cases of depression. We don't like to talk about it much, and I'm pretty much detached from it all now that I live out of town from them.

I should probably have several sessions of cognitive therapy, but I can't afford it. So this would explain my current situation. I think about it occasionally—about how I could be doing so many other rewarding things instead of wasting my time on the Internet. But it's hard to fight my compulsions. I'm sleep deprived and get down on myself when I look at the big picture. I am currently working on a number of things that will hopefully draw me to more rewarding experiences. Learning to play guitar is one of them. I want to write, but I don't have the energy, and I feel my creativity has been too sapped over the years.

It's a struggle. But I'm getting by.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot