suviko

I got a friend like that. I make less money, being a student and having only a part-time job while she has full-time job, yet she still awaits me to loan her money or pay for drinks or food sometimes when we go out. I have to ask to get the loaned money back and I hate doing that, it would be simpler if she could mention it herself when she has money. On pay day, she goes shopping and can buy a Dior mascara ($35) instead of non-brand stuff and then whines about not being able to come to movies with me cos she has no money.

Then, I met a bunch of cool, beautiful and shallow people who share a common intrests I am into and so is this friend: kinky parties. I took her with me and she had fun and started socially climbing in that group and enjoyed herself while I got annoyed with all the backstabbing and diva-thing going on. Then came the day when her ex-bf of many years had his bday party at the same day as the kink association had their party and she chose to go clubbing with new friends instead with the old ones. She called me to come with her to a party and I didn't. Since then I haven't gone to parties and she has by now gotten a bit fed up with it and is trying to get back to the old social circles.

She does the same sort of thing you mentioned: when I ask her to meet me, she can cancel it on a few hours notice and is generally speaking always late, but if I half-promise to her to come after I've said that I actually had something else planned, to her sauna party where's 50 other people, she calls me and cuddle-sulks that are you really not coming. She is kinda shy in the end and can be flirtatious and social, but doesn't open up easily for real and she is shallow, IMO. Then she wonders why she has not many real friends and has said she feels alone at times. I felt she'd just shut up and give a blank sad stare if I try to discuss this. I never did actually say it to her, but instead whined to other people when they came asking why aren't we best friends anymore. After her bf (who was a chauvinist pig, jealous and just generally annoying) hanged himself two years ago, she started trying to treat me better and be more humane to other people. I think she heard it throught the grape wine what I had told to people. Since that we've gotten along better and better and are going for a weekend trip - me, her and our bfs - together.

This is how it went for me. I dunno if it helps you much, but anyways. Looking back, I think she could have handled hearing it straight but she had to realize she's driving people away herself and doing shit stuff for them while expecting to be treated like a princess. You say your friend is a single mom. Are you a nice guy and she's usually into "bad boys"? If yes, she knows she's exploiting you. If not, she might think you are a sort of ideal man prototype and doesn't see you are a real person. Nobody wants to be around person who is just taking and not giving anything. You are not being selfish here. Do an exam: when she calls for something that isn't a life threatening crisis, tell her you do it next week. Then don't call her. She'll call you and ask about it. Make excuses not go there and one most likely she will ask why the hell are you like that or if she is aware of her abusive behaviour she and ashamd of it just stop calling. When she is upset with your behaviour, does she complain? Wait till she starts. Then she can't escape when you quite calmly say that the feeling is mutual and have a looooong chat.