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Defeat
Today I met defeat at a crossroad. I have been suffering from a condition called Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia. So what, so my heart beats ridiculously fast. This has been occuring for several months, medications tried to no avail. Finally with no direction left to turn, I was offered surgery to repair the issue.
By my own choice, I delayed the surgery by one month as I had family returning from Iraq on leave. As the days have grown nearer and nearer to surgery my heart rate has increased considerably. I assume much of this is because of anxiety of my upcoming procedure. To explain a bit, it causes me dizziness, palpitations, chest pain, shortness of breath, nausea and insomnia. Needless to say, in the last few weeks my sleep has been quite poor.
Work to me is something of pride, I rarely miss work. I never take advantage of sick time. I am always on time. I am no workaholic, but to admit that I have reached a point where I am defeated and know I can no longer work in my current condition gives me a feeling of defeat. I pushed on as hard as I could for as long as I could.
Today, I was approached by my Nurse Manager, the Clinic Manager and the physician that I work for. They all basically told me the same thing, you can go. It is okay, we know you have issues and you are rightfully exhausted and weary. Don't worry about getting a work slip, you have the time, we have the staffing, just go.
So I swallowed my pride and extended my Leave of Absence. Am I just stubborn? Do any of you have difficulties with accepting when you have reached the point you have to give up?
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