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Old 08-12-2008, 01:02 PM   #21 (permalink)
Vigilante
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Borla:
Well that's a slippery slope. Have you never lied to a significant other? Bigger question, are you married, dating, or single? If married, and you have lied or not confessed something at all, would you be willing to come out with it just to get it off your chest? There comes a point when you have to let go of their past, and your own. Once one understands this, things like how many times a previous SO did your SO becomes somewhat trivial.

He's not been 100% with her either. He snooped her email. She didn't fess up to all the sex. So what? These are things young people do. One wants to know everything (curiosity killed the cat, remember that) and the other wants to spare his feelings. His nosiness is the stronger act (proactive snooping, not passive reading) and her's was wrong, but still relatively passive and perhaps even a non-issue. If the roles were reversed there would be different posts here (she's psycho, he's a pig...to some degree or another), but that is the double standard we all live with.

Being married for nearly 12 years, I can tell you that sometimes truths hurt more than lies. It is experience that gives you the ability to judge which is better for a given situation, and age that gives you the ability to be more prudent as you get older. 18 year olds will always screw up, and if the other person can understand that, then they can make it provided everything else is great. If they can't let it go, then it won't last.

With this in mind, our marriage is great now. We had a crazy time getting here and made some mistakes, but nothing that wasn't forgivable. When this topic comes up, I always think of Depeche Mode's Policy of Truth. The words to that are gospel for any relationship on the rocks.
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