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Originally Posted by akdem
I have been having this issue in my relationship with my gf lately, as well (porn only). I almost feel like it is somewhat of a cop-out to just say "well guys just need porn." Maybe I'm the only guy on here that thinks this, but is it okay to continue to engage ethically questionable behavior knowing that a significant other is bothered by it? I'm not making an ethical judgement about porn ( I watch as much as anyone), I'm just saying that it's not exactly wholesome behavior. She is not the type that wants me to change and would never ask me not to look at porn anymore, but she just says that she can't understand it and that it does sort of bother her.
Basically, I am asking if I am the only guy on here who would be willing to give it up (or at least try to) for the sake of someone that I care about? Why do we just accept the notion that guys "need porn"? It's great, but do we need it even if it hurts an otherwise good relationship?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xazy
Relationship is about compromise. It is her choice to make a request for something that bothers her (even if you had done it before she may not have realized how much it bothers her or how often you go /watch). It is really irrelevant what it is that bothers her, that is something causes friction in your relationship. Either you both can talk and work it out or you have to make a choice what you value more.
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Just wanted to say that these are both very wise/mature comments, at least in my opinion. Barring the situation of an evangelical Christian couple (where porn is simply not an option for either person, and will never be allowed/tolerated in the marriage--and yes, I know people like this, and it's just not an issue because their values are so aligned), I think porn and strip clubs are key issues to deal with in a relationship, and the earlier they are addressed, the better. It's also something that may always be evolving, and both people need to give the other person room to grow in that way (and not expect them to change, at the same time).
My impression is that there are very few couples who see exactly eye to eye about the topic... it always takes a little compromise, as with anything in a marriage (sexual or otherwise), and if it's a huge issues, a decision about what's more important for the health of the marriage. I think there are very few things that any one person "just NEEDS" so badly in a marriage (e.g. the statement about "guys just need porn,") that they can *only* have it their way, to the neglect of the other person's feelings. It doesn't work that way, in my experience.