ratbastid

(tinycities: GREAT response! Welcome to TFP!)

I've had, in my life, a fair amount of success with women simply by being clear that I'm interested in them. The first time I met lurkette, I kissed her hand. Dopey college-freshman gesture, sure, but hey, I was a dopey college freshman at the time, and it definitely made an impression. We've been married for 13 years. At some point in my then-friendship with StellaLuna, I said LITERALLY these words: "You know, I'd totally do you." She's lived with us for coming up on two years now. Looking back across my life, I've had occasional hook-ups and actual relationships, etc, etc, and my ONLY trick is to have them be aware I'm interested. They do ALL the rest.

Here's what happens: you make it clear you're interested in her, and you leave it at that. She gets flattered, and starts thinking about it, and either decides she's interested too, or she's not (but in my experience, generally it's that she's interested too). Then, look out--because girls get what they want.

Stop thinking of romance and sex like something guys want to do to girls. They want it too. You don't have to trick them or get in their good graces or "get to know them" first, whatever that means. You let her know you're interested in her in that way, and then you stop worrying about her response and leave it in her hands. If she says no, she says no--not only doesn't it mean anything about you, there are PLENTY of fish in the sea. At the very least, you know to move your attention and affection elsewhere.

Guys do this "hanging around and being available and being a nice guy and hoping maybe someday she'll trip and accidentally fall onto my cock" thing. Which is stupid. And deadly to any kind of relationship with her beyond friendship.